Хороший Ёжик!

How Did Flounder's Chowder House Know?

2010-06-24T14:24:00.005-05:00

Today was the last orientation group that Melinda and I had to orientate. There are positives and negatives to this:

Positive: I look more professional when I'm not eating a sno-cone while speaking.
Negative: No one will give me free sno-cones anymore.
Positive: I can take a real lunch break.
Negative: I don't have a reason to go buy frozen yogurt in the union anymore.
Positive: I don't have to listen to 80 different students all tell me the same story of how their situation is "unique."
Negative: I can't run away to meetings and instead must listen to the stories of our unique co-workers. ;)

I was greeted this morning with ten very friendly sunflowers. Now, Meg Ryan says that daisies are the friendliest flower, and I usually agree. But these sunflowers are particularly winsome looking. I think they might beat out the daisies.

You be the judge: Which one's friendlier?

Kenley brought them to me in a lovely mason jar that says:

"Flounder's Chowder House
High Grade Diesel Fuel- Caution, highly flammable."

And then, below- I kid you not:

"On Beautiful Pensacola Beach."

I find this puzzlingly and wretchedly ironic.

I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends

2009-08-19T11:47:00.002-05:00

Um, so how do I make it in life? Like, seriously?

Last night Kenley and I were hanging out watching Lost (and I made this really great macaroni, but that's another story) and soon it was super late and I needed to go. So, I go to my car and somehow my trunk was opened, so I was like, "My trunk is open. I should fix that." So I step out of the car and absentmindedly hit the lock button, because I kind of do that subconsciously, but I knew not to shut the door. So, I close the trunk, but I was kind of on a hill, and all of the sudden a mighty wind came out of nowhere (not really) and my door started to shut. In slow motion I yelled, "Nnnn-nnn-ooo-ooooo!" but it was too late. (Running in slow motion does not get you to the car door nearly fast enough, fyi.)

So there I was at 11:00 at night with my keys locked in my car while it was running. I peered through the foggy windows at the lock button and could hear Michael Buble cheerfully singing about having the world on a string or some such nonsense. World on a string. I wished I had a hide-a-key on a string.

I took a walk of shame back to Kenley's door. We immediately found two coat hangers. I felt like we were on the Sandlot, trying to get the baseball out of the Beast's back yard. One failed attempt after another.

After a few close calls, but no success, we changed strategies. We decided to go through the sunroof. Michael Buble taunted us with his happy voice. Finally we managed to get the clothes hanger through the sunroof and pulled open the canvas part underneath. Next it was time for the piece de resistance. With the flashlight illuminating less and less, we stuck a shower curtain rod through the sunroof and hit the unlock button! Let me just tell you, what satisfaction. Now I know that if real estate doesn't work out for Kenley, we can go into a life of grand theft auto. "Elephants are soooo big!"

Your News Report for the Day

2009-06-01T12:05:00.002-05:00

In World News Today:

Queen Liz gets dissed by the French. Should she be surprised? No, but next time Germans, Russians, Prussians or Huns try to invade France, I say Britain just eats their fish and chips and lets them take over. They'd probably be more polite anyway. Seriously, the woman SERVED in WWII. She should get invited to the D-Day Party. While Sarkosi is whispering sweet nothings in Obama's ear, Gordon Brown should punch them both in the face.

Why does Air France have to be copying on the Lost plot? How do you lose an Airbus? It's on the island. Season 7 plotline, anyone?

In National News:

Sarah P needs to be watching out for global warming in the shape of large nuclear weapons. Those polar bears don't stand a chance against Li'l Kim's earth destroying-snow melting toys. He even got a new pair of those polarized sunglasses he loves so that he can watch the pyrotechnic show from his eastern-facing front porch.

Love those shades, Kimmy. That guy to his left really wants to push him in the pool right now.

Congratulations, America! We've just purchased GM! Give up that Honda. We'll all be driving Buicks and Chevies now.

Obama just released his new prototype- the Chevy Komnibile. I love ze colours, Olga.

In Entertainment News:

I was going to comment on Susan Boyle, Kate Gosslin, and the MTV Awards, but I can't deal with pop culture right now. We're going to have to save that for another time.

Cue Chariots of Fire Theme

2009-05-04T22:55:00.005-05:00

I love running. And by love, I mean that I love two key parts- the part where you turn around to come back, and the part where you’re done. Let’s face it, even for someone who runs a lot, for the most part running is pretty miserable. There’s the occasional run that you’re thinking, “Man, I could Forest Gump this and just run clear across the state,” but usually you’re saying to yourself, “Man, I wish I could just die right now. At least then I’d get to lie down.”

One thing I have learned in running- I run a whole lot faster and a whole lot better in races. Races are just fun. You get up way too early and drive to some random place to exercise, but the funny thing is that hundreds of other people are just as crazy as you and they all show up too. And then, as you go, you find that you’re running faster than you could ever make yourself go on your normal out and back route. The thrill of the race gets a hold of you. You’re making friends with accountants and lawyers and the guy who works at the Jimmy John’s on Pensacola. You find that you can really be friends with these people. You may have had nothing in common on Friday, but on Saturday you’re all runners. And you’re all running the same race. There’s people cheering you on around the last corner and tons of Gatorade as you cross the finish line.

I think whoever wrote Hebrews must have been a runner. I mean, not just the poser runner, the guy who’s out on Mission Road on New Year’s Day with a bunch of electronic gadgets trying to lower his cholesterol a couple of points, but a real runner. Hebrews guy is trying to encourage the Jewish people. So he goes through the hall of fame of faithful guys and girls- Abel, Enoch, Abraham, Noah, Moses, Rahab, David, Samuel- and he lets us know that all of these guys were looking ahead. They knew that God had something special in store for the world, but they were going to have to wait. They “conquered kingdoms, administered justice…shut the mouths of lions, escaped the fury of the flames and the edges of the swords…but they did not gain what had been promised.” Why? “Because God had something better in mind, so that only together with us would they be made perfect.” Because God wants a huge family reunion. The kind with sweet tea and t-shirts.

This is why I think Hebrews guy had laced up some Nike’s before. “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us…” He’d felt people spraying you down with sprinklers and DJ’s rocking you up hills. He knew that the halfway point is the hardest. Those first couple miles will get you every time. And he also knew what would keep you going- “fixing our eyes on Jesus...” He knew that when you watch your feet you always go slower. It’s when you lift your head and look towards the goal that you can go your fastest. Looking down or to the side will always slow you down. He knew what it’s like to go up huge hills and feel like your legs just won’t go anymore, and he had a solution for that too- “Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”

Starting a race isn’t hard. Finishing is another matter entirely. Too many of us start out sprinting only to make it to the first hill and quit. Or maybe we make it through a couple, but the valleys start looking like a good place to stay because it’s too hard to climb another hill. Next time you feel like you’re the only one running, think of the cloud of witnesses- the ones who have gone before and have run long and hard, looking ahead to their reward. Think of Jesus at the finish line. Something way better than Gatorade is waiting.

25 Random Things about Me

2009-01-30T08:14:00.003-05:00

Okay, so I'm jumping on this bandwagon too-

1. I love the idea of drinking tea. Drinking tea is okay, but the idea of drinking tea evokes some kind of emotional state that makes camaraderie between people inevitable. Just asking people if they would like to get together to have tea is rewarding. The actual drinking of tea is alright too, though, and when I do drink tea I like to have Lady Gray tea with honey.

2. If I could go on a date with any celebrity, living or dead, it would have to be Jimmy Stewart. I love that guy.

3. My favorite painting is the Return of the Prodigal Son by Rembrandt. I just always picture myself running back to God when I see it.

4. I really love books and movies. Especially epic ones. I think this stems from the fact that I wish my life were more like a book or a movie, and therefore much more exciting. William Wallace and Harry Potter are more thrilling than I could ever be.

5. My favorite place I’ve ever been to is Krakow, Poland. It is the best! Dragons guard medieval castles and the statues spew fire when you send them a text message. Talk about mixing the ancient with the modern. Lori and I only learned one Polish phrase, “Eh! Eto moj smok!” “Hey! That’s my dragon!”

6. I hope that if something ever happens to Mark and Jenn, they leave me Anna, John, Max and Kevin in their will.

7. My best friend lives thousands of miles away. This could be the breaker for some people, but Lori and I have made it work for the last three years. Sunday afternoons are reserved for three-hour conversations via her computer and my cell phone. Mail is somewhat unreliable, but someone we know is always making the trek to and from Kyiv, so we usually use our own form of the Pony Express. Much cheaper than Fed-Ex.

8. I love the show Lost. I really don’t watch any other shows regularly, except for college football, but I’ve fallen in love with Jack, Kate, Sawyer and Hurley. The reason for this probably stems from the same reason as #4.

9. Running is my favorite form of exercise for three reasons: 1) You get to wear cool shoes. New tennis shoes are probably the coolest thing ever, next to like, those self-inflating air mattresses you can get at Bed, Bath and Beyond. 2) Races are so fun. Even if you aren’t very good, there’s something really awesome about getting a t-shirt with a race and date on it. 3) You don’t need anybody else to do it. Unlike an ultimate Frisbee game, running requires just two feet and somewhat masochist tendencies.

10. I still say a lot of commonly used words wrong as a result of self-teaching while being homeschooled. Just ask Jenna about Mesopotamia.

11. My dream job is to go to one of the “-stans” and teach English and tell people about Jesus. I think that would be just about the greatest job ever. I hope to do it one day.

12. I love Glenn Beck, think the military’s great, watch Fox News and buy things from Walmart. So sue me.

13. I have a terrible memory. Like, if I weren't 23, I'd think I have Alzheimer's or something. Hopefully it comes across as being slightly endearing and not just horribly aggravating to you all. But, looking at the bright side, it makes my life much more exciting. I can read books over and over and still be caught spellbound at the end because I had no idea what the ending was going to be. You can tell me things twice and I'm still just as thrilled for you as the first time because I don't remember it from the first time.

14. When I was in 2nd grade, the then-first-lady, Barbara Bush, came to Sealey Elementary to congratulate us on collecting a bunch of pennies for some book project she was promoting at the time. I didn't go to Sealey then, but my brother Chris did. Chris brought pennies almost every day. He gave the most of any kid at Sealey. So, his speech teacher nominated him to sit on the stage with Barbara Bush and she...or he...I can't remember, gave the millionth penny. I was really excited about meeting her and so my mom and I made her chocolate chip cookies. When I got to shake her hand, I gave her the cookies, but the Secret Service took them. I was pretty devestated. I don't think she ever ate one. They probably tested them for poison and then threw them away. Oh well. Barbara Bush looks to me like someone who could make really good chocolate chip cookies anyway.

15. I broke my leg in third grade roller skating. I never want to roller skate again. What made it doubly traumatic was that my classroom was on the third floor of North Florida Christian. That, and Coach Shifflet still made me go around the jogging trail on my crutches. Totally child abuse.

16. My favorite words are “ambiguous” and “anticlimactic.” I don’t know why. They just are. “Nonsensical” is a pretty good one too. Oh, and “bleen,” which means “crap” in Russian.

17. Abraham Lincoln is one of my favorite people. We went on dates every week when I lived in DC. Always meeting at the corner of Constitution and Independence Avenues, sitting for hours…he was quite the gentleman.

18. I think the color green is fabulous and I’ve always wanted to be Irish. Really, I don’t think I have any Irish in me. Maybe one person from my grandmother’s side, but if I could pick an ancestry, it would definitely be Irish. I got to go to Ireland, but my bubble burst when I realized that the only people who lived in Dublin were tourists.

19. I listen to classical music all the time. It’s kind of lame. But I always have it playing on my computer at home and at work. Occasionally I switch over to Brad Paisley or James Taylor, but it’s usually more of the old dead guys.

20. I’m addicted to diet Pepsi. I have a list in my head of all the restaurants that serve diet Pepsi: Taco Bell, Applebee's, One Stir Fry, etc. I get refills from the fountain machine at the Chevron on the corner of Mission and Tharpe (affectionately known as “the Kroger”) all the time. It’s only 64 cents. They know me in there.

21. My hair is actually pretty curly. I bet none of you knew that. Because if you see me with my hair not straightened, I would have to kill you. When it’s thrown up in a ponytail, that’s usually because I was too lazy to fry it. I’ll probably be bald by the time I’m like, 40.

I really appreciate good grammar. And by appreciate, I mean that I will judge you if you say, “I’m doing good.” If I catch you writing “your the best,” you’re no longer welcome in my home.

22. I’m pretty sure that my favorite day was the night that Jake, Taylor, Lori, Carli and I laid outside all night at camp and talked watching the stars. I think I could go my whole life and probably never feel as close to people as we felt that night. Homeless kids forever.

23. I have a ton of coke points. You know, those codes that are on the bottom of your coke caps? Plug them into the website and you can buy tons of stuff. I always buy music. I haven’t actually purchased a CD in quite some time.

24. I’ve always wanted to be a flight attendant. Sarah Wirgau and I have a dream of meeting up after she finishes Edge Corps and working for Delta. That is, if it hasn’t gone completely bankrupt by then.

25. I dislike garlic. This may be because I’m a vampire, but I haven’t been able to conclude that as of yet. I do find myself staying up late at night and wanting to sleep during the day, but I still like ice cream a lot more than blood, so I’m thinking I might be, like a Jewish vampire or something and blood is just off-limits.

Treasures in a Tape Box

2009-01-17T02:01:00.004-05:00

Years ago, as I stood in line in the cold at our camp on the outskirts of Kiev, I noticed that my fellow standees lacked the same impatient, shuffling attitude as I was displaying in painfully obvious fashion. So, I commented to a friend that Ukrainians are very patient people. Lena replied that it came from years of practice. Bread lines, metro lines, coupon lines, the ex-Soviets know how to entertain themselves in a line. In fact, one of the first phrases I learned in Russian was, "Everybody form two lines, please!" I'd like to send some of the recipients of free groceries at our Food Pantry back in time to Moscow circa 1964, just for a day or two. Each Tuesday, Wildwood gives out free groceries to people who need them in their Fellowship Hall. Each person signs in, waits in line, counselors pray with them, and they receive a bag of groceries and anything else that they might like or need. Most of our regulars are absolutely wonderful and they light up my life, but much like the licorice variety in a bag of jelly beans, there are always the few that you wish had been discontinued years ago. However, unlike the licorice variety in a bag of jelly beans, our not-so-pleasant guests can occasionally cause me to burst into tears.

Such was this past Tuesday, as I had the misfortune of crossing Mrs. Coleman on a particularly bad day. However, all was not lost. Our director saved me from an entire emotional breakdown in the middle of a hundred people and gave me the non-people (and thus, wonderful) task of typing up prayer requests in the back closet. Typing can be quite therapeutic. So can Ailia Taylor, whose five short years of living in this world have given her ample knowledge to pass the most rigorous counseling examination.

I squeezed into the back room and leaned my arms against two large paper boxes in the corner so that I would be able to reach the mouse and the keyboard. The back closet holds treasures such as shampoo, vitamins, coloring books, disability applications and missing volunteers' nametags. I'd imagine I could survive in there for quite some time if I wasn't claustrophobic. After I typed up the first couple folders, I heard a knock coming from about two feet above the floor.

"Hold on, Sweetie. Let me tie this polar bear up. It's almost his dinner time."

"Miz Calyn, you're silly. Open the door."

"No, I'm serious, Ailia. He's very fond of little girls. He's been cooking side dishes all day."

She finally got bored and pushed open the door just enough for her to squeeze in with a large briefcase that looked like it had been passed down at least four times. In the closet, there is really only room for one person to stand, so I set Ailia on the counter and had her hold folders for me.

"Where'd you get that briefcase, Ailia?"

"On the table by the stage."

"What's inside?"

Ailia carefully opened her beloved briefcase. Almost expecting there to be a million dollars inside, as I'm sure I'd seen that briefcase in at least half a dozen movies, instead, there were 16 tapes of famous classical musicians. From Bach to Wagner, each had a picture of the composer and "sixty minutes of the most satisfying classical pieces from their libraries." Ailia carefully arranged and rearranged each tape by the attractiveness of the composer and then by the color of the tape box.

"Miz Calyn," she said, "Do you have a boyfrien?"

"No," I replied. "Not yet."

Ailiah looked disappointed. "Oh, that's very sad. Why you don't have a boyfrien?"

"Well," I had to think. "I suppose because he hasn't found me yet."

I watched as my young therapist's face turned from utterly conflicted to perfectly clear. "I can find you a boyfrien."

"Alright, Ailia, you just let me know when you find him."

I hoped our therapy session was over and that we could move on to talking about much more exciting things, such as the status of Mrs. Coleman's yelling rampage, but instead I watched as Ailia carefully studied the faces on her tapes. Beethoven and Hayden were set aside and Mendolssen and Handel were looked over. Finally Ailia stopped at Dvorak.

"Here you go, Miz Calyn. You can marry this guy."

"He's a very good choice, Ailia, but I think he's a little bit old for me."

Ailia rolled her eyes. Clearly, someone as inept as me in finding my other half could not possibly know who was in my best interests. And so I laughed and promised to keep my eyes peeled for a little Czech man with a funny mustache. I found myself humming bits of the 9th symphony as I headed out.

Twas the Night of the Magic Jack Bowl

2008-12-21T14:58:00.002-05:00

Twas the night of the South Florida bowl game and all through St. Pete, the fans were all gathering for Memphis to beat.

With Richard, Joann, and Dad all nestled in their spot, admiring the super alumni seats that they bought.

When what should my wandering eyes appear, but green Santas descending from the third tier.

Their eyes how they sparkled, their speech so unclear. I knew then at once that it must be the beer. Their bells how they jingled, their stomachs oh so squishy. They'd ridden their sleighs up from Port St. Lucie.

As the scoreboard flashed 14 - 41, we knew that the Bulls had certainly won.

And so at nine we drove out of sight. Merry Christmas to all...it's going to be a long night!

Can You Guess?

2008-12-20T00:45:00.000-05:00

--Pick 15 of your favorite movies--Quote each movie--Everyone has to guess which movies the quotes come from--Once somebody has guessed one accurately, strike it out--No Googling or using IMDb to guess!

1) My momma always said you can tell a lot about a person by their shoes, where the go, where they've been. I've worn lots of shoes, I bet if I think about it real hard I can remember my first pair of shoes.

2) This pin. Two people. This is gold. Two more people. He would have given me two for it, at least one. One more person. A person, Stern. For this. I could have gotten one more person... and I didn't! And I... I didn't!

3) In the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend.

4) Off the top of my head, I'd say you're looking at a Boeski, a Jim Brown, a Miss Daisy, two Jethros and a Leon Spinks, not to mention the biggest Ella Fitzgerald ever.

5) There are 72,519 stones in my walls. I've counted them many times. But have you named them yet?

6) Marvin, you gotta play. See that's where they kiss for the first time on the dance floor. And if there's no music, they can't dance. If they can't dance, they can't kiss. If they can't kiss they can't fall in love, and I'm history.

7) Yo, Rugman! Haven't seen you in a few millennia. Give me some tassel.

8) Is there any reason you shouldn't be in this man's Army? I'm a cross-dressing homosexual pacifist with a spot on my lung. As long as you don't have flat feet.

9) I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up DOES rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. I guess I just miss my friend.

10) What's that?
This, my friend, is a pint.
It comes in pints? I'm getting one.

11) Count your blessings Lizzie. If he liked you, you'd have to talk to him.

12) There are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance. : Which one am I? : You're the worst kind. You're high maintenance but you think you're low maintenance.

13) Wait a minute. Is the safety on Old Betsy? You bet it is, Sheriff. That's what I'm afraid of. You go first.

14) Spiders... the spiders... they want me to tap-dance. And I don't want to tap-dance!

15) I've come here with a view of asking you to marriage me. I know I seems an insane person - because I hardly knows you - but sometimes things are so transparency, they don't need evidential proof. And I will inhabit here, or you can inhabit with me in England.

With Friends Like These...

2008-08-12T19:34:00.003-05:00

I am sorry, Nino, Sophia, and Davit, that my country stands idly by as yours is brutally raped by the bully living at your border.

I am sorry that your plight is buried beneath front page headlines of an overpublicized political race and college football training.

I am sorry that my President continues to chuckle and chat at the Olympic games with the scheming bully of a leader who is presently sending his army tearing across your borders.

I am sorry that you thought our friendship was such that it would merit a response worthy of what you’ve selflessly given us.

I am sorry that what my country stands for is being blown away by an Eastern wind to reveal that it is nothing cheap talk and worthless conviction.

I am sorry that your inspiring democracy stands alone against a tyrant and that the organization you so courageously attempted to join pretends barely notice.

I am sorry that your sovereignty is so shamefully compromised by the country above you who knows nothing save greed for power and energy.

I am sorry that bombs kill your children and destruction threatens your beautiful capital.

I am sorry that America offers only to fly your brave troops home and add none of its own.

I am sorry that I can do nothing but wish in vain that my country would step in and stand by one of its most proven allies.

I am sorry and I am shamed. And I pray for you all.

The Wisdom of the Plant Lady

2008-07-30T17:04:00.002-05:00

The plant lady was outside our door in the lobby today in the Bank of America Building that I call home some 40-odd hours a week. She comes to water the plants ever so often. We're all very jealous that she gets to go about town and hang out with plants. I told her so. I lamented the fact that we are stuck in front of computers all day, to which she replied, "The only thing I know about computers is that you don't water them." Wisely spoken, plant lady. Wisely spoken.

Let's just give Abraham Lincoln a British accent and call it a day

2008-07-16T17:03:00.004-05:00

Last night, Jenna and I were listening to the Police on my laptop and we decided that people with accents are far more persuasive when it comes to matters of love. Someone from Minnesota could sing a line of music and it would not be nearly as convincing as someone singing the very same line from Liverpool. Why is that? Somehow Sting makes me believe that he is the omniscient expert on all matters of the heart. During the same listening stint, we also concluded that, like it or not, some songs will be associated with Guitar Hero until the end of time. Like a mysterious force, as soon as I hear the words, "sending out an S.O.S…." I absolutely must throw my left hand up like a rock star and pelt out, like the vowel rule- red, blue, yellow, green, and sometimes orange. My pinky muscle has grown to be a formidable member of the finger team. At least on my left hand.

Speaking of the British, I watched Sense and Sensibility the other night. I am not a huge fan of Jane Austin novels; they are pretty tedious, but a two-hour, abridged movie is generally alright. Sense and Sensibility is probably my favorite. I haven't watched it since Harry Potter came out, though, and Lerah and I found that the majority of the cast of Sense and Sensibility is in the Harry Potter movies. Professor Trelawney, Professor Snape, Delores Umbridge, Madam Pomphrey, Cornelius Fudge, the Fat Lady…there's more, but I can't think of them at the moment. They're all in Sense and Sensibility. British actors must look out for each other. And then there's Hugh Laurie who comes out of nowhere as a witty, cynical, rude fellow...hmmm, I guess if you're good at something, you should stick with it.

There was a minor crisis in the office today when it was noticed that all coffee had disappeared from the break room. Fortunately I had an emergency pack of tea, courtesy of Lori. My co-workers scoffed at the idea of my bringing in a bag of Starbucks de-caf tomorrow, so we will see what their solution is. Come on in and visit and register to vote. If you're tired of the traditional two-party system, we have a variety of parties to meet your needs. The Surfers' Party, the Modern Whig Party, the Family Values Party, even the Poor People's Party. I'll even give you a sticker. :0)

Ain't Nothin' Like

2008-07-10T21:23:00.003-05:00

I get into getting out on my mower
In the early mornin' hours 'fore the sun gets hot
And I like goin' down to the Kroger
When the carnival comes to the parkin' lot

-Brad Paisley

James, Ian and I watched the movie Pan's Labyrinth last night. Watching subtitled movies on small T.V.s is quite the task. Occasionally I got sidetracked and forgot to read and we had to rewind, but we managed okay. I have to say that before I saw the movie I kind of thought that it was some sort of fantasy kid flick, but this was not the case. It was really good, though. I highly recommend it if you are over the age of 13, not grossed out by frogs, and undisturbed by creepy, pale-faced monsters with eyeballs on their hands.

This guy will give you nightmares. I'm checking under my bed tonight.

All movie nights must be preceded by a trip to the Kroger, our affectionate name for the Chevron Station on Tharpe and Mission Road. Actually, most activities are preceded by a stop at the Kroger. I don't remember exactly how it came to be called the Kroger, Lori and James probably remember, but the Kroger has the best fountain drinks in Tallahassee. Giant cups are refilled for only 59 cents. They know us there. When I picture the Kroger in my head, I get a fuzzy, nostalgic kind of feeling, kind of like it's the Cheers atmosphere. They yell, "Calyn!" when I walk in and always smile and ask me about my day. If I don't remember my wallet, they put it on my tab... In actuality, though, the Kroger is generally crowded; a rude, overworked lady with a couple teeth missing is usually up front accusing me of getting a new cup and trying to scam her for a refill price, and half the time the Diet Pepsi isn't working anyway. Everything you'd expect from a corner gas station. I love it.

Quote o' the Day

2008-06-06T08:41:00.003-05:00

"I am not a dolphin. I am a person." - Lori Jackson

Wednesday's air mattress expedition was a bust. After our Outrigger Island vacation Bible school this week, Lori and I wanted to see if such an island existed in Lake Jackson. We had secured ourselves four canoe paddles and all we needed was an air mattress. Unfortunately, I could not find mine. Many of you have slept on it. Kenley has the exact same one. It's got the Saved by the Bell, 80's-style zig zags on it. The kind that makes you want to tease your hair as soon as you lay down. Jenna, Lori and I went down to the Lake Jackson dock instead and brought mashed potatoes and salad for a midnight picnic. We would still like to have our air mattress island exploration, if any of you know of any unused mattresses. Lake Jackson is calling...

Congrats, Cam!

2008-05-28T23:24:00.004-05:00

My little brother graduated tonight. The little one with red hair and freckles that I still see hugging a Barney pillow and sucking his thumb. Only, tonight when I watched him walk across the Civic Center stage he was 6'1 wearing a graduation robe, a dress shirt and a striped tie, slightly choking from the white cord around his neck. Good heavens, what happened? How did all the members of my family become taller than me? How in the name of Pete did Cam get out of Leon with a diploma? How on earth did my parents manage to get all of us into college? It is a mystery. I feel like our lives have been one of those "choose your own ending books" where you pick the next part of the story and hope you don't fall off a cliff or the drink the poisoned wine or get bitten by a bat and die of rabies. Somehow all the pages we've picked have managed to get us to a safe chapter. Anyway, congratulations, Cam!

"Don't you think that daisies are the friendliest flower?"

2008-04-09T23:16:00.002-05:00

Our apartment has a little dining nook that used to be a back porch. I, for one, wish that it were still a back porch because there is nothing I love more than laying on back porches and admiring the stars. Now it is a useless room with a dining table that is never used. The four of us in this apartment aren’t exactly gourmet chefs and if we do cook something, chances are it has been eaten within five steps of the microwave. We never make it to the dining room table.

However, Sarah and Michael bought me some lovely flowers for my birthday and that has made the dining room much more inviting. I’ve found myself straying in there with a book or notebook to enjoy my purple and yellow companions. I don’t know much about flowers except that I like them. I can’t ever remember the names. I know daisies, roses and tulips, but after that I’m lost. I’m content knowing God designed them creatively to bring Himself pleasure. I’m like that with stars too. Some people want to know everything there is to know about space and planets. They want to know how stars are composed, their temperatures, how far they are from earth…I just like knowing that Carli, Jake, Taylor, Lori and I can lay on the sidewalk on a clear night and marvel at them. I’ll leave all the science part to Jake and Louie Giglio.

Tonight my flowers and a cup of hot chocolate accompanied me through the book of Hosea. I questioned my “ignorance is bliss” axiom when I read, “My people perish for lack of knowledge.” I thought to myself that maybe I should pick up a couple of Better Homes and Gardens to brush up on my flower skills. (Carnations and camellias always throw me for a loop.) Clearly knowledge is something God values an awful lot if Israel was perishing for their rejection of it. I thought of all the things I cram my head with in the race for knowledge... Gosh, there is so much pressure just to know…everything. But God values a slightly different kind of knowledge that can be found in the Economist. A couple verses down I learned what he meant. “Because you have rejected knowledge…since you have forgotten the law of your God…because they have stopped giving heed to the LORD…the people without understanding are ruined.” Knowledge that God values can be found in the pages of Deuteronomy: “And you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words which I am commanding you today shall be on your heart and you shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up…” That is the kind of knowledge I want to build on. I guess it's alright if I can't tell you the latin names of the flowers on my dining room table. However, I do need to apply myself to get a better understanding of the things that God wants me to learn.

“For the LORD gives wisdom. From His mouth come knowledge and understanding.” – Proverbs 2:6

FLEX Workshop 2008

2008-04-07T19:31:00.008-05:00

This week I had the pleasure of hanging out with 112 of our FLEX students in D.C. For those of you who don’t know, I work with an exchange program called FLEX that is funded by the Department of State. Usually I work with grants and write newsletters, but this week I got to evaluate our Civic Education workshop for students who competed and won an essay contest. We picked 112 of our 1200 students to come to D.C. this week and learn about democracy and civil society firsthand. It was fantastic. FLEX students are from all of the former Soviet republics- from Ukraine and Russia to Armenia and Georgia and on over to Kyrgyzstan and Tajikistan. They’re going to high schools in the U.S. for one year and this week they represented 38 different states. Pretty exciting. I think they were surprised at how different the states they’re living in are. Some were staying Alaska, Hawaii, Arizona, Wisconsin, Maine, Alabama, Florida- even South Dakota.

Anyway, the week was awesome. They arrived on Sunday and through the week we visited every memorial and museum Washington has to offer. We even got a sneak peak at the new Newseum- a museum all about the history of journalism. They got to hear a panel about the importance of a free press and made their own news broadcasts.

It wasn’t all fun and games, though. Students got together in country groups to talk about projects that they wanted to implement in their home countries when they return in June. FLEX alumni are very active. They volunteer all over the place. They work in nursing homes, visit orphanages, teach English classes, work as OSCE election monitors, lead community events, start recycling campaigns, work with American embassy officers, sponsor AIDS runs, clean up parks, and get elected to office. I think the most encouraging and exciting thing I got to do this week was listen to their ideas of how they are going to change their countries for the better when they return. Unlike many exchange students who come to America, most FLEX students do not want to move here. They want to go home and change their countries. And that is awesome.

For some of them, with relatively free countries, this might be as simple as having an event to promote national language in culture. For some of the less free countries, I heard ideas of creating a democracy forums online. They want to have weekly computer classes for orphans who are about to turn 18 so that they have good job prospects when they get out. They want to clean up city squares. They want to have Special Olympics. They want to do all sots of amazing things. It was awesome. And I am so proud of them.

Besides hearing them talk about how their lives have been changed during this week and this year, I think the best thing I gained this week is that I now have friends to stay with in 12 different countries. :0) Sometime soon I want to wear cheshki with my friends from Turkmenistan; I want to go to a Georgian dance; I want to go to a café in L’viv. Soon.

Freebird!!!!

2008-04-06T20:49:00.001-05:00

There is an Afghan restaurant across the street from the Target I run to. The building is slightly run down and the sign has a faded, painted-over line about “Emerald Palace” or some name that it used to possess when it was an Americanized Chinese buffet of some sort. Green neon tubes outline the windows and something equally bright written in Pashto illuminates the front door. I would have paid little attention to it had I not noticed that every time I ran by it, no matter what time, the parking lot always seemed to be full. I said to myself that either the food was really delicious or that some criminal plot was being hatched in the back room. That’s what always happens in Jackie Chan movies at least. I, being no Jackie Chan, didn’t have the guts to go in by myself, but I remained curious all the same.

So, when Daniel called yesterday and told me that I had to pick the restaurant for my birthday dinner I decided that this would be as good a time as any to try out some Afghan food. Turns out Cameron and Daniel were curious about it too. So, it was decided that we would save Panera for some lackluster evening and try something exotic. Daniel made sure to park near the street so that we could make a quick getaway if the cops busted up a terrorist plot at the table next to ours. Turns out our fears were quite unfounded, as, minus the green neon windows, everything in the restaurant was decidedly normal. Pictures that looked like they were shot from the movie “Hidalgo” and scenic shots of Afghanistan hung on the walls and a big Afghan flag adorned the check-out counter advertising the fact that gift cards were now available. The food was great. (Any place that gives you bread is going to be a winner.) I had lamb kabobs and they were delicious. Our server was really sweet as well. So, thumbs up to the Afghans. If you are driving down Jefferson Davis Highway towards Crystal City, stop by.

We then went to Baskin Robbins where Daniel was quite disappointed that out of 31 possible flavors, chocolate fudge was not available. I would have thought that chocolate fudge was a staple, but Tallahassee does not have a Baskin Robbins that I know of, so maybe Cotton Candy really is more popular. I was just excited they had diet Pepsi. Some song from Guitar Hero began playing on the radio and it was decided that we would go over to Best Buy and try to play Rock Band. Rock Band wasn’t set up, but Guitar Hero III was. I saw some pithy comment on the screen while the next song was loading. That’s one of my favorite parts of Guitar Hero. They give bands some great advice, such as:

"Don't let the drummer handle the money."
"They don't really want you to play Freebird. They're just heckling you."

Much to our dismay, some fifth grader was hogging the game. He’d probably been there since the store opened this morning. That’s what they do. At least my brother has the consideration to take his friends to play in the middle of the night when no one else is waiting. Even after 9 straight hours, this kid had no intension of going anywhere. “Surely he’ll have to go to the bathroom,” I thought. It was then we would make our move. We lounged in leather chairs in front of two plasma TVs watching Transformers and Spiderman 3 simultaneously, eyeing the plastic guitar enviously. As soon as the announcer called for all customers to make their final purchases, Fifth Grader’s mom came and told him it was time to go. We dove for the guitar. I pounded out in red, blue, yellow and green a rusty version of “Welcome to the Jungle,” and Cameron and Daniel got in a song before they started turning out the lights and vacuum cleaners clouded up the music. Next week we’ll have to arrive early to beat Fifth Grader there.

Quote o' the Day

2008-04-02T22:25:00.001-05:00

Heard on the Mall:

"So we all got together and went down to look at the cherry blossoms. Turns out they all look alike and now we're bored."

It was all set up for a big disappointment, people. What do you expect, really? Dogwoods are so much better.

I'll Have to Spill Some Spaghetti Sauce on My Shirt for a Nice Touch

2008-03-28T19:07:00.001-05:00

I took Lori’s birthday card with me to work this morning. It wasn’t a typical size envelope, not large enough to make it anything exciting, just large enough that the top said, “requires extra postage.” I think Hallmark has a deal with the Post Office to get a little bit of extra funding. Maybe Hallmark takes a little bit off the top. (Now watch me get nasty letters from Hallmark and the Post Office. They won’t mail them in an oversized envelope, I’ll tell you that much.) Anyway, I had to go to the Post Office to figure out exactly how much postage we were talking. Throw in “extra postage” when you’re talking international stamps and it gets very confusing. Generally I just stick tons of stamps on things and they get there alright, but I was running low in my stamp supply, so I decided to actually check the price. I went to Starbucks on the way, because, well, you don’t really need a reason to go to Starbucks, you just do. But in the process of addressing my oversized envelope, I managed to spill iced coffee all over it. How embarrassing. I marched to the post office in some very uncomfortable high heels and just at the moment I thought all hope was gone and I should never get there before my toes became little stubs at the bottom of my shoes, I saw the eagle. Thank goodness. A very nice postal employee helped me buy my stamps and assured me that he thought it was just an artsy envelope that was supposed to look like that. (“That” being the coffee spilled all over it.) He said, “Well, she’ll just be excited about getting a letter from so far away.” So Lori, be excited about getting a letter and don’t mind the coffee. ;0) I noticed a most exciting thing as I waited for him to measure my oversized envelope. There are currently Jimmy Stewart stamps for sale at the Post Office. Jimmy Stewart is one of my favorite people. I mean, of the favorite people that I don’t actually know and are currently dead, that is. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Jimmy Stewart in a movie that I didn’t like. So if you are buying stamps any time soon, buy some that say “James Stewart” on them. They’re very exciting.

I Finally Saw Condi :0)

2008-03-28T18:41:00.000-05:00

This afternoon I headed over to Main State to hear Condoleezza Rice speak to all of the Department interns. It was amazing. She is so down-to-earth. And small! I thought she was so much taller than she actually was. Condoleezza Rice is definitely one of my heroes, I mean, the woman speaks Russian for crying out loud, and it was really great to hear her talk with us. People asked a lot of great questions. She was so…approachable. I mean, she looked like the sort of person you could run into and have lunch with. That was a nice contrast to a lot of the upper level people I’ve come in contact with in the Federal Government. She spent some time answering a question about her heroes- she said her parents- and she said that they were people who never saw limits. She said that she grew up in segregated Birmingham where someone who was black couldn’t go down the road to order a hamburger, but being the president was a perfectly attainable goal, according to her parents. She’s come pretty darn close. And if she ever ran for president, she’d have my vote. :0)

Happy St. Patrick's Day, Everyone!

2008-03-17T00:22:00.000-05:00

In a bit of a surreal, Washingtonian moment today I watched the Presidential helicopter zoom in over my head and head for the White House yard a couple blocks away. Today was the St. Patrick’s Day parade in downtown D.C. Thankfully, it stopped sprinkling just in time to save the ticker-tape. I seated myself in front of the Washington Monument to get a good view and watched a throng of Irish stepdancers and bagpipe-playing firemen. I am convinced that Americans have more Irish pride than the Irish- with the exception of maybe during soccer season. It seems that the melting pot of America feels an intrinsic need to celebrate their heritage with more veracity than the actual home country. I observed it yesterday as I shielded myself with my computer to avoid being trampled by the green, drunken mass that entered the train at Metro Center. The inebriated do not fare well with the stop and go motion of a metro. Listening to them argue about what stop they are currently approaching is somewhat amusing. Watching them attempt to help their friends up who have fallen on their faces is even better. I’m almost certain I was the only sober person on the yellow line yesterday evening. Although, I have to say that after spending eight and a half hours working on a paper in Panera I was not exactly of sound mind either.

2008-03-16T22:04:00.001-05:00

“I have found almost everything ever to be written about love to be true. Shakespeare said, ‘Journeys end in lovers meeting.’ What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have never experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose that I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said that ‘love is blind.’ Now that is something I know to be true. For some, quite inexplicably, love fades. For others, love is simply lost. But then, of course, love can also be found-even if just for a night. And then there’s another kind of love. The cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. It’s called unrequited love. Of that, I am an expert.” -Iris in The Holiday

Happy ?St. Patrick's Day? Everyone!

2008-03-02T22:30:00.000-05:00

“No, no, no. I know this one,” you say. “St. Patrick’s Day is March 17th every year.” Apparently things are different in Alexandria, Virginia, where St. Patrick is celebrated the first weekend in March. And celebrated he is. I’m convinced that every kid in Alexandria goes to Irish stepdancing class. There were five different stepdancing schools represented in the parade. Cameron and I think that we had deprived childhoods because our parents didn’t send us to Irish stepdancing class. There were also a dozen or so bagpipe bands. The firemen had pipe bands, the marines had pipe bands, the army had pipe bands, the notre dame alumni had pipe bands - pretty anyone who is anybody has a bagpipe band. Where is the Washington Center bagpipe band, I would like to know. There was lots of music, lots of green, lots of Ireland. In essence, it was the best ever. :0) I’m a sucker for anything Irish. The month of March is a redheaded kid’s dream. Red headed kids seem to come out of the woodwork during St. Patrick’s Day parades. Maybe they stay in hiding the rest of the year. They’re like Jeep drivers and Mac users. You see a redheaded person and you give the “oh, what’s up?” nod. Carli knows what I’m talking about.

After the parade, Cameron, Becca and I walked down King Street and found something amazing. Bread and Chocolate. This is the name of a restaurant. It took way too long for someone to decide that this would be a good idea for an eating establishment. I mean, what else do you really need in life? Bread. Chocolate. Put them together and it equals something beautiful. I was not actually hungry, but I plan on visiting this place as soon as possible. Sarah, I think you and I will go here. You can just buy a bagette and some chocolate and go to town. Absolute bliss.

You Harry Potter haters can skip this next paragraph. Kelsey spent the night last night and we had a Harry Potter III evening. I think we’d seen the movie 30 times between the two of us, so it was fun to talk through it and make intelligent conversation about the intricacies of the book plotlines. It was like watching with Lori.

Well, I think we are going to spend our evening with the 80’s has-beens, PoP! Everyone needs a little Hugh Grant in their lives. Arrivederci.

“Yes, LORD, walking in your truth we eagerly wait for you because your name and your renown are the desire of our souls.”

2008-03-01T22:17:00.000-05:00

Isaiah 26:8

About two weeks ago I was on the phone with my good friend Tamara Stringer and she was telling me all about the Passion conference in Dallas she had gone to the weekend before. I listened jealously as she recounted points that Louie Giglio had made and as she tried in vain to express the amazingness of worshipping with David Crowder and Chris Tomlin. At one point I mumbled, “Man, I wish they would come to DC.” Her response was, “Calyn, they’re going to be in DC next weekend.”

Fast forward one week. I am on my way to the conference. The conference in Washington DC, right? Well, sort of. Although it was advertised as being in Washington DC, the Passion Conference was actually at George Mason University, a school in the town of Fairfax, Virginia. Now, had I owned a car, this would have not been a problem. It might have taken me about 45 minutes to get there from my house. However, it was three hours before I finally darkened the door of the Patriots’ basketball arena. This is like telling someone, “Oh, yeah, it’s in Tallahassee,” and it actually being in PENSACOLA. Fortunately I ran into two girls who were also using public transportation (there were a total of five of us) and we became fast friends with so much time to get to know one another. I probably would have died without Marlene and Kay. I mean that literally. Being at metro stations that connect with the green line at one in the morning by yourself is never a good idea. But the three hour commute was totally worth it.

For those of you who have never heard Louie, I would encourage you to listen to one of his podcasts. Louie has a way of making Christianity so simple and profound. The theme of the conference centered around the idea of “making God famous with your life.” When I told my roommate this she said, “What do you mean, ‘making God famous?’ Everyone knows who He is.” This is a good point and fortunately there was some clarification. :0) Louie and Francis Chan really pounded into us that life is short and we only get one shot. We should be using our lives to bring God as much glory as possible. There are some important things in life. Careers are important. Friendships are important. Health is important. Family is important. But if we’ve decided to follow Jesus then He is the thing that is most important. And to chase after anything else is not only second best, but it’s missing out on what God has really called us to – to know Him and make to Him known.

Passion is doing conferences in 17 world cities starting in May. They include Jakarta, KYIV :0), Kampala, Sydney, Paris, London, Hong Kong, Cape Town, Sao Paulo, and some other places that I can’t remember but are equally cool. We raised about 30,000 dollars for the conference in Kampala (that 30,000 people are coming to! They have a soccer stadium rented out!). We also got to hear the story of a girl named Sam Lu from mainland China. She shared her testimony with us and is so excited that Passion is coming to Hong Kong. They made it very clear not to put any pictures or videos up of Sam because she could get into a whole lot of trouble with the government.

Something kind of small but important that I was convicted about this past weekend was how I represent myself to other people. Interning in DC, the question you probably get asked the most is, “So…what do you want to do?” So as not to have a bunch of awkward turtles in the room, I generally just say, “Oh, I want to do international relief work,” and avoid the parts about wanting to work with a Christian organization or talking about how I want to work somewhere that I can meet spiritual needs as well as physical ones. The truth is that I want to fulfill Paul’s words to the Colossians, “Whatever you do…do it all in the name of the Lord... as if working for the Lord and not for men.” I want to take the love of God to the ends of earth where people need it most. And I should just say that when people ask.

I Know About Eloise!

2008-02-28T21:36:00.001-05:00

Good news: McDonalds gave away free breakfast burritos this morning.
Bad news: They were still overpriced.

However, my iced coffee was worth every penny. I realized that it was rather stupid to order iced coffee when your insides already felt like ice, but I guess it goes with the outdoor theme. I’m ready for spring. For cherry blossoms. For skirts. For not feeling like a fire-breathing dragon every time I push air out of my mouth. For new episodes of The Office. For graduation. For May. May is particularly exciting. This is when Lori is coming.

I am currently watching Lost on TV. I am convinced this is the most complicated plot line conceived by man. I do not know how they keep connecting all of these things. Becca, Cameron and I are going to see The Other Boleyn Girl tomorrow. This movie can only end in tragedy. But I am still intrigued by it. I'll let you know how it is. Arrivederci!

Shoutouts to George, Obituaries, and Movie Adaptations of Lengthy Novels

2008-02-16T23:33:00.004-05:00

I love running, I really do, but running in sub-freezing weather was a new experience for me. This morning, the city of Alexandria hosted its annual George Washington Birthday 10K. I, along with around a thousand other Alexandrians, braved the cold to pay homage to our nation’s favorite president. We all got t-shirts with his face on it. Very exciting, but not in a middle-eastern dictator kind of way. I always shy away from attending political celebrations with 30X20 posters of faces being waved around like kites. You want to stay away from those.

If your rally looks like this, you might want to find a nearby ethnic restaurant and wait it out looking as un-American as possible.

Anyway, at the starting line I realized I was standing next to a girl wearing a Florida State beanie. Turns out she is from Tallahassee, went to Lincoln, and attended Florida State. What are the chances? Her and her husband worked at the Tallahassee Democrat together and met in the obituary section. How romantic. I can hear small talk from their first date,
“How was work today?”
“Oh, well, you know, four funerals and a cremation. How about you?”
“Two funerals and a Viking raft burning. Might be two-column coverage.”
I can’t make too much fun. After all, my parents met in prison.

Tonight I walked to Target and I wandered through the movie section. Target has good $5 movies. It wasn’t five dollars, but I still had to pick up Pride and Prejudice when I saw it was on sale. Now, normally I like books much better than the movie counterpart, but there are a couple of exceptions. Pride and Prejudice is one of those exceptions. I suppose I’m betraying the female sex by saying I’m not a Jane Austin fan, but I willingly confess that I only made it through 250 pages of Pride and Prejudice. It made me a little sick with all of its self-seeking, frivolous dialogue. I mean, really, how can five girls spend each and every day walking around the house, spinning in swings, and doing very little other than creating drama wherever they go? It’s hard to get through 700 pages. However, Kiera Knightly and Matthew MacFadeyn make you forget about the triviality of the pages their conversations were taken from and the movie is quite enjoyable. So, if you haven’t seen the newest movie version yet, I highly recommend it. Good night, everyone. Until we meet again, I wait impatiently for my own Mr. Darcy (minus three or four hundred pages).

Happy Thank Your Local Salt Miner Day!

2008-02-13T09:08:00.005-05:00

So apparently the Federal Government gave a two-hour delay to its employees this morning because of the nasty weather. I, as an intern, am not on their list. When Linda tried to put me on their list last week they said that they do not want any interns or contractors to be on the list because they will leave soon anyway. That is sweet of them. So...here I am. No one's really here. Gives me time to write a blog post.

I did something new yesterday. I walked in ice. Before yesterday, I thought ice was pretty. You make sculptures with it, you eat it, you put it in sweet tea. Today my eyes have been opened. It's slippery, it's wet, it's cold, and it wants your legs to break. Water and steam are welcome to any parties I might have in the future, but H20's solid form does not merit an invitation. My views of salt were just as equally challenged, however. I am not a huge fan of salt. I like salt-free pretzels, low-sodium potato chips and I avoid adding salt to really anything. But salt battles ice quite nicely. There are these little men, I don't know where they come from, but as soon as the ice hits they come out with these fertilizer machines and cover the ground with ice. They're like elves, but taller. (Actually, they don't really look like elves at all, they look like very cold, under-paid laborers, but I still get the vision of the elves that sneak out at night to make shoes.) It's a slug's nightmare.

Anyway, you'll be happy to know I didn't even fall once. (Or, maybe, like Joe and Dean, you are hoping for an "I almost died today" story. It will have to wait for another day.) But, waiting for the bus last night I had to restrain myself from laughing at the people sliding across the street in front of me. It really wasn't funny...but it really was. Have a great day, everybody, and if you see a salt miner, thank him.

Where Have All the Chickens Gone?

2008-02-08T22:00:00.000-05:00

My Uncle Richard lives on a farm in Arkansas. There's not much around. Let's face it; it's Arkansas. However, he does have a neighbor a couple miles away that has a chicken farm. You're probably picturing in your head something like this-

Let's go with something like this:

Let's go with four of them. There are thousands of chickens in each one.

Now, a couple weeks ago there was a tornado about eight miles from my Uncle's house and it hit his neighbor's chicken house. The guy lost 8,000 chickens. That's a lot of chicken. Hopefully he had chicken insurance. However, Kenley brought up a good question. Where did all the chickens go? I mean, we all know gravity. What goes up must come down. How would you like to be the person over in Tennessee who wakes up with 700 dead chickens in his front yard? Not me. So, this week, if you spot some of the missing chickens, give me a call. I'll pass on the information to my Uncle's neighbor. I'm sure he's out looking.

Have You Seen This Chicken?

Call
555-6875

Just some pictures of where I live (if you're curious)

2008-02-06T22:10:00.001-05:00

This is my room. :0)

My kitchen is kind of dreary. It needs some coloring pages on the fridge.

This is the view I get in the morning from my office building.

The most important part of any commute. :0) I have two within sight distance of my office. Yeeesss.

This is my apartment building. Clearly I do not belong in it. Not exactly my socio-economic class. I'm not complaining, though. ;0)

That's about all I've got so far. I'll work on getting some more when it's not dark outside. It's dark when I leave the house and usually dark when I get home, so I have trouble taking photos you all would be interested in. That will be my Saturday project. Arrivederci!

Someone's Gotta Turn Phil the Other Way

2008-02-02T19:15:00.000-05:00

Not having a car makes me feel as though I'm back in Kyiv again. Riding the metro, dragging bags home from the grocery store, searching for bus stops...running after busses, it's something that I associate with Kyiv, which makes me think of Lori, which makes me smile. :0) Today I went on a running adventure to find places to shop. I discovered that past the Target is a New York and Company, a Best Buy, an Old Navy, a Starbucks, a Subway and a grocery store. These are all very good finds. So, after I went home and took a shower, Becca and I journeyed to the grocery store to stock up for this next week. We have to make sure to do all of our shopping on the weekends, because when we get home during the week it's already dark and we can't walk to the grocery store. I decided to splurge this week and invest in some peanut sauce. I was going to make some, Jenshka, but i figured it was more expensive to invest in all the ingredients, so I just bought some. I can't wait to make stir fry. :0)

Anyway, happy Groundhog Day to you all. I guess ol' Phil saw his shadow today, so we're in for six more weeks of winter.

Looks to me as if Phil needs to lay off the Twinkies. I was very disappointed that I can't seem to find "Groundhog Day" on TV. I need a little more Bill Murray in my life. It seems like TBS always has it on all day, but this year they decided to play the "Fantastic Four" instead. Clearly a superior movie...not.

So next year, Carli and I will have to have a date and make sure we're in the same city and country to have a Groundhog Day marathon. Until then, "Do you ever have deja vu, Mrs. Lancaster?" "I don't think so, but I could check with the kitchen."

So I have to do some sightseeing :0)

2008-01-26T22:40:00.000-05:00

One can hardly express the magnitude of the Lincoln Memorial. I’d seen it in the movies; I’d seen it in pictures; in postcards, on the news, but never in person. Lincoln's likeness shows the incredible weight that he had upon his shoulders. His overwhelming need to preserve the Union accompanied by his belief that all men should be free. It is incredible. On the wall to the right is an inscription of Lincoln’s second inaugural address. It was given in the midst of the war between the states. Here is what he said:

Fellow Countrymen:

At this second appearing to take the oath of the
Presidential office there is less occasion for an extended address than there
was at the first. Then a statement somewhat in detail of a course to be pursued
seemed fitting and proper. Now, at the expiration of four years, during which
public declarations have been constantly called forth on every point and phase
of the great contest which still absorbs the attention and engrosses the
energies of the nation, little that is new could be presented. The progress of
our arms, upon which all else chiefly depends, is as well known to the public as
to myself, and it is, I trust, reasonably satisfactory and encouraging to all.
With high hope for the future, no prediction in regard to it is ventured.

On the occasion corresponding to this four years ago all thoughts were anxiously
directed to an impending civil war. All dreaded it, all sought to avert it.
While the inaugural address was being delivered from this place, devoted
altogether to saving the Union without war, insurgent agents were in the city
seeking to destroy it without war—seeking to dissolve the Union and divide
effects by negotiation. Both parties deprecated war, but one of them would make
war rather than let the nation survive, and the other would accept war rather
than let it perish, and the war came.
One-eighth of the whole population were colored slaves, not distributed generally over the Union, but localized in the southern part of it. These slaves constituted a peculiar and powerful interest. All knew that this interest was somehow the cause of the war. To strengthen, perpetuate, and extend this interest was the object for which the insurgents would rend the Union even by war, while the Government claimed no right to do more than to restrict the territorial enlargement of it. Neither party expected for the war the magnitude or the duration which it has already attained. Neither anticipated that the cause of the conflict might cease with or even before the
conflict itself should cease. Each looked for an easier triumph, and a result
less fundamental and astounding. Both read the same Bible and pray to the same
God, and each invokes His aid against the other. It may seem strange that any
men should dare to ask a just God's assistance in wringing their bread from the
sweat of other men's faces, but let us judge not, that we be not judged. The
prayers of both could not be answered. That of neither has been answered fully.
The Almighty has His own purposes. 'Woe unto the world because of offenses; for
it must needs be that offenses come, but woe to that man by whom the offense
cometh.' If we shall suppose that American slavery is one of those offenses
which, in the providence of God, must needs come, but which, having continued
through His appointed time, He now wills to remove, and that He gives to both
North and South this terrible war as the woe due to those by whom the offense
came, shall we discern therein any departure from those divine attributes which
the believers in a living God always ascribe to Him? Fondly do we hope,
fervently do we pray, that this mighty scourge of war may speedily pass away.
Yet, if God wills that it continue until all the wealth piled by the bondsman's
two hundred and fifty years of unrequited toil shall be sunk, and until every
drop of blood drawn with the lash shall be paid by another drawn with the sword,
as was said three thousand years ago, so still it must be said 'the judgments of
the Lord are true and righteous altogether'.
With malice toward none; with
charity for all; with firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right,
let us strive on to finish the work we are in; to bind up the nation's wounds;
to care for him who shall have borne the battle, and for his widow, and his
orphan -- to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace,
among ourselves, and with all nations.

Absolutely incredible. Lincoln’s faith in God was so strong that he trusted him completely in the mess America was in. No matter what the cost, no matter the outcome. I’d always admired Lincoln, but after seeing this monument to him, I am more resolute in my feeling that he and Washington were our nation's greatest presidents. As the next election draws near, it is hard to believe that we have any men like Lincoln there. All seem wrapped in selfishness in some way. None really stick out to me as men who follow after God's heart. I hope that God will put someone in place that will do his purposes.

Sammy Davis Jr., Jr! K MHE!

2008-01-24T13:56:00.000-05:00

Well, here I am in the Charlotte Airport. Evidently my love for airports did not protect me from them plotting my demise. The trip could hardly have started on a worse note. My flight is cancelled; I’m going to arrive past my 6:00pm deadline to get my key; my bags may be lost; I don’t have my baggage tags so there is no way of finding my bags, and they confiscated my amazing aromatherapy lotion I bought from Bath and Body Works. (That's really not that big of a deal; I was just a big fan of eucalyptus. The lady assured me that it will go to the Shelter, so I felt a bit better about it, but Jenna may have to dive into my eucalyptus reserves at home and send me some more. ;0)

I wonder how many other passengers are twitching beneath their polished façade of calm. Perhaps a few, but they all look pretty content to me. They didn’t lose their baggage tags…There is a Starbucks manager behind me training her new posse. She’s explaining to them all the intricacies of a French Press while they look on in awe. Clearly they have never met Jake and Taylor or they would understand all the mysteries a press affords. Lori and I used to marvel at the wonders of it when we made coffee for movie nights with the laptop. You push it down and coffee pops out. Amazing.

There is a flight to Birmingham behind me that I tempted to get on. Actually, I could probably go pay Madison a visit and make it back to Charlotte before my next plane leaves. If not, maybe she can fax me some Whole Foods gelato. I wonder if they have Whole Foods in DC. I'll have to make a search. What is it that Alex says on "Everything Is Illuminated?" Oh, yes. A "very rigid search." I will make a very rigid search and get back to you all.

Until then, arrivederci. If I ever make it to DC, I'll let you know.

2008-01-20T23:12:00.000-05:00

Nearly every Christmas, my mother gives me some type of puzzle that I have to put together to get a present. One year it was a maze that contained a pair of tickets to an off-Broadway production at the Civic Center. There was a secret compartment in the back that could only be opened when the pieces were put together. A couple years back it was a pair of metal circles that had to be reconnected. I will be honest, my first inclination when I receive gifts such as these is to smash them with a hammer until I get what I want. But sometimes the presents inside are slightly less sturdy than a pair of "Miss Saigon" tickets. In the end, reason triumphs over impulse and I either suck it up and mess with it until I get my prize or I whine until Lori does it for me.

Why is it that we will sit ardently on the floor all Christmas morning with passionate determination to figure out the secret of how to fit two metal circles together? Does the frustration give us some sort of sick pleasure? Of course not. The only reason reason we put in all the effort is because the prize at the end is much more valuable than the task at hand. To reconnect the circles yields something far better than a couple of metal hoops.

I learned in science class that energy systems are in a constant state of entropy. In other words, it is far more natural for my two metal rings to become disconnected than it is for them to become reconnected. Unfortunately for Christians, the church seems to be the poster child for this second law of thermodynamics. Schisms and breakups have been one of the most constant elements of church history. There's a denomination for every letter of the alphabet and churches within each denomination maintain a vicious cycle of dilemma, discourse, dissension and division, leading to their eventual splits into various other factions named after pleasant road names or picturesque landforms such as "Rose Hill Methodist" or "Sunny Meadows Baptist." In the church's defense, there are many valid reasons that congregations split. And perhaps it is only keeping with the laws of physics that those churches never reconnect again. But what if they did?
What if two congregations could put aside their differences and reunite?
What if they realized that each had something special to offer and together would be a much more perfect body?
What if the gifts of one could compensate for the weaknesses of the other and vice versa?
What kind of a witness would that be to their city?
I think both's goals are the same. One might be a Chapel and one might be a Dome, but Solomon's musings still ring true:

"Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labour."

Getcha Head in the Game

2008-01-14T12:30:00.000-05:00

I'm afraid that if my life rested upon the ability to dance the moves to High School Musical I would be lowered into the crocodile cage and there would be nothing left but some nickles I have in my pocket and the 10 dollar ring I bought in Kilkenny that I am convinced would survive twelve nuclear blasts and the destruction of earth as we know it. However, my roommates would survive and live quite comfortably on what I leave them in my will. (A couple of used-to-be-red couches, some movies and a bunk bed.) Try as I may, I cannot see what it is that girls see when they look into the face of Zac Efron. I think he looks like a girl. James and I are convinced that he's gay. After all, what basketball player do you know that likes to break into song in the middle of the court? Despite mine and Tori's protests, our house was subjected to the "High School Musical Interactive DVD Game" for the better part of two hours. As happy as I was to see the game end, I was disappointed in the fact that the win went to Jenna.

But after the horror of High School Musical, we moved on to a much better interactive game. Jenna has come into possession of a something called "Karaoke Revolution." Except for a poorly selected Ashley Simpson song that got on there, I'm convinced, by mistake, the songs are great. My favorite is Kenley's spot on of Take On Me, although Dean's rendition of Play that Funky Music, White Boy, is almost as good. ;0)

So come on over to the house this week and try out the new microphone. Embrace your poor singing skills by selecting a character that looks a bit too much like Sanjaya and putting it on the easy setting. Or you can dress your character in a dazzling evening gown and bust out "I Will Always Love You." (Try your best to mimic Whitney Houston and not Dolly Parton.) I will be at Leshay's watching Prison Break tonight,

(I <3 Michael Scofield.)

so you can even sneak in and play High School Musical if you'd like. Just don't let me catch you.

Are you smarter than a 5th grader?

2008-01-09T15:56:00.000-05:00

As my move to Washington DC approaches, I've been trying to Google important DC information. Where is the nearest stir-fry place? If I order tea, do I have to specify that I want it sweet? Are buggies called shopping carts or baskets? Or buggies? You know, the important things. So I figured we could all learn a little something together.

Which of these things does not belong in Washington DC?

A.
B.
C.

If you said "C," then you are correct!

Okay, now we'll make it a little trickier.

A.
B.
C.

If you said "B," then you are correct!

A.
B.
C.

If you said "A," and "C," then you are correct! (I had to try to trick you.)

A.
B.
C.

If you said "C," then you are correct!

A.
B.
C.

Okay, actually none of these are from DC. If you got them all correct, hooray for you. If you got them wrong, well, then you should come visit me and we'll go see monuments first hand. I'll have the nearest stir-fry place mapped out. :0)

A B.A. in Elvish Studies????

2008-01-08T09:04:00.000-05:00

Selena and I have decided that being an elf would be the perfect job for me. As one nears graduation, it is common to worry about what jobs to look for, where to live, what to do with you life... I have been considering the elvish profession for quite some time, and if anyone is considering it, here are some good reasons it may be the career path for you:

1. Santa is your boss. Except for inherently knowing who has been naughty or nice and seeing when you are asleep or awake, Santa would be the best boss ever. Plus, you would get to make toys all day. It's inevitable that making toys requires testing toys.

2. Elves get to wear pointy shoes. Having spent some time in Europe, I have a strange fascination with pointy shoes. I never got up the nerve to buy any, because I knew I'd laugh every time my eyes wandered to my feet, but I still have a peculiar affection for shoes of the non-rounded variety.

I'm not really sure where your toes are supposed to go in these, but I assume Elf shoes are a bit more comfortable, despite their pointy-ness. Some less-festive elves are shoemakers, so they're probably good at shoemaking.

3. Being an elf comes with a package of instant hobbies. After making Tonka Trucks and Candyland games for your shift, you have a list of awesome choices on how to spend your free time. Buddy's list was, "First we'll make snow angels for two hours, then we'll to go skating, then we'll eat a roll of Tollhouse cookie dough as fast as we can, and then to finish, we'll snuggle!" These are all great hobbies.

4. Singing at all times of the day is not only normal, but encouraged. Everyone knows that Christmas carols are the best songs ever written. Those hymns express things that I just couldn't ever put on paper. We learned from Buddy the Elf that, "The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear." I have to agree with him wholeheartedly, but unfortunately for me, singing loud for all to hear is not generally accepted at my workplace. They're on the verge of sending me to the insane asylum anyway. Singing would just add fuel to their fire.

"Looks like somebody needs to sing a Christmas carol."

5. You can leave your Christmas decorations up all year. Have any of you seen that Verizon Wireless commercial that's out right now where the guy is unplugging all of his Christmas lights and he's just so sad? I am that guy (minus the tacky sweater and Buddy Holly glasses).

(This looks like my dad's yearbook picture. )

My father has instilled in me a love for Christmas that borders on obsessive compulsive. I love everything about Christmas. (Except for the Christmas Shoes song. Worst song ever written. That's for a later post.) Nothing can be better than curling up by a fire with the light of the Christmas tree illuminating Jimmy Stewart's face as you listen to him shout, "Merry Christmas, Bedford Falls!" Because of this, December 26th is the saddest day of the year. Fortunately for elves, December 26th is only the start of the next Christmas season so the lights never have to come down and you can celebrate Christmas forever.

Too bad Mr. Stanaland's Santa mailbox isn't up anymore in my parent's neighborhood. I need to send Santa my resume.

It's a Wonderful E-card!

2007-12-21T18:27:00.000-05:00

Don't send a lame Holiday eCard. Try JibJab Sendables!

Baby, It's Cold Outside

2007-12-18T14:05:00.000-05:00

It has happened. For the first time since September, I have woken up as something other than a shivering mass under a pile of blankets. Space heaters are magical things. This tiny 25-year-old box is able to predict when the exact right time it right to begin showering me with warm air. I'll take the risk of having it burn the house down any day. (Besides, it's Todd's house.) Waking up warm puts a new outlook on one's life. Coffee can be enjoyed as a delicious beverage instead of as something to thaw out your insides. I like it.

Tonight I am going on a roadtrip to rescue my wallet from the Greensboro Chevron at Exit 174. Here is the story:

You see, we all went on a camping trip Thursday night at Torreya State Park. (I highly recommend it. Ranger Dennis is super great.) In Greensboro there is a Chevron station where me, Lori, James and Jenna can take our Express Lane cups and get 50 cent refills. (I also highly recommend this. 50 cent refills are the best thing since sliced bread.) So we stopped in and I brought my wallet to pay for my refill, only, the Greensboro Chevron sucks and the drink machine was out. A very incompetant lady told me, "Oh. Yeah. We were gonna fix that." Man, that lady deserves a raise. So, rather disgruntled, James, Lori, Jenna and I left the Chevron.

Along with my wallet.

My beautiful X-men wallet that Sarah Wirgau gave me was left on the edge of the drink machine.

So when we got to Tallahassee and stopped at my Chevron to get refills, my stomach dropped and I realized that I had left it on the counter. I called the Greensboro Chevron and was told by the same incompetant lady that my wallet had been stolen. She had looked for it and it was gone. I left her my number and she took it rather reluctantly, assuring me that the wallet was gone. So, sadly, I began calling to cancel my debit and credit cards and bemoaned the loss of my Leon Lion discount card that Kenny Nikkens sold me. It got me free drinks at One Stir Fry.

About two hours later, at about the time I was searching to find the Old Navy number to cancel that card, the lady called and said, "We found your wallet. It was where you said; I just didn't see it." Genius, that one.

Sunday morning I had to drive to Camp Charis to play Christmas carols. I hopped in my car and my gas was pretty low, so I thought to myself, "I'll stop and get gas in Georgia. (The state, not the country. ;0) It is cheaper there. So when I got to cheaper gas I pulled my car in and I realized something. I had no wallet. Even if I had had my wallet, I had cancelled all my cards. No credit cards. No cash. All of these things = no gas. I didn't have time to drive back home so I marched back into the desert, eyeing the oasis I had just left jealously. I prayed that I would make it to Pelham. 30 more miles.

I rolled into Pelham with my gas light dinging mercilessly, but I did make it. Julie Queen was my savior and followed me to a gas station nearby, otherwise I would probably still be walking towards Havana right now. Thanks, Shirley!

A Quite Convenient Book, Actually

2007-11-29T12:33:00.000-05:00

At the risk of Todd making fun of me, I'd like to inform everyone that
Glenn Beck will be at Books a Million tonight (by the Albertson's on Thomasville Road) at 6 o'clock. If you have no idea who I am talking about, you can still come and just hang out with me. You really should watch the news occasionally, though.

2007-11-14T01:39:00.000-05:00

It is clear that this mom plays favorites.

Perhaps Alexander's Day Would Have Been Better Had He Simply Put in His Contacts.

2007-11-02T11:01:00.000-05:00

Today is a no contacts day. If you find me at school with my glasses on, just stay away. You see, I really like my contacts. I hate staring at rims all day and having my vision skewed because I've smeared the glass in front of my face with my fingers. Sometimes I even smack my glasses on door frames because I only give the part of my face that's chemically connected to my body doorway clearance. It hurts your nose really bad when your frames smash up against the side of them. Besides the fact that I look silly in them, the prescription is terribly old and everything is still really blurry when I wear them. It's like watching ESPN in HD and then going back to just plain old channel 8. And since I don't have HD, I need all the help that I can get. The point is, I avoid wearing my glasses at all costs. So naturally, if I show up to work wearing my glasses, something must be wrong. Either I've dropped a contact down the sink and haven't been able to scrounge up enough change for new ones, or it's one of those mornings that I've stayed up far too late, my alarm awakens me from a brief coma and I'm saddened to find that my eyes are almost completely glued shut. This is confirmed when I jump down from my bunk bed and run into a wall because I didn't notice it was there. It is at these times that I stumble into my bathroom, feel around for the contact case and realize that there is no way I'm going to be able to get my extra eyeballs in. I've already given up on the day before it starts. A no contact day says three things. 1) The world around me is just not worth looking at today. 2) There is at least one bruise on my shin. 3) Forget the mascara. Fortunately, no contact days can usually be cured by crawling onto the couch with a fuzzy blanket and a cup of coffee and watching a couple episodes of Cheers. This is what I plan to do when I get home today. Happy Friday, everyone. May you find the strength to pop in your contacts.

2007-11-01T09:58:00.000-05:00

So, for Halloween this year, after already getting to dress up as an X-men character for Mark and Jenn's superhero party, I had to come up with a different character. I decided that recycling costumes is lame, as Facebook will surely rat you out in the photo section. So, I decided to go as Ginny Weasley, Ron's younger sister who ends up marrying Harry in the Harry Potter books.

It seems as though there was far too little holiday spirit happening on FSU campus yesterday. I only saw one other guy dressed up. He was dressed in a Peter Pan costume with some amazing green tights, so I have to give him props for that, but he was the only one I saw.

I got numerous compliments on my outfit. In the beginning, I thought they were complimenting the costume, but then I came to the horrible discovery that, wand or no wand, people didn't know I was dressed up for Halloween; they just thought I had dressed up for work. I thought back and realized that I rarely get complimented on my outfits at any other time.

So, what I learned is that the only time I look good is when I'm dressing up as a Harry Potter character. It was a sad realization. Oh well.

Coming to You Live with a Battered Nose

2007-10-12T08:26:00.000-05:00

The first cold front has finally arrived in Tallahassee. We cut our temperature nearly in half and I think that's a pretty decent fraction. But it is at this special time of the year that a peculiar natural phenomenon occurs on campuses around the nation. Let's let Marty Stouffer give us some commentary.

It is as this time, in the land of the American college campus, that a strange occurrence occurs among creatures known as greeks. Greeks tend to flock together in packs and live in burrows together by gender. Male greeks can be distinguished from their female counterparts by the absence of Vera Bradley handbags, giant sunglasses, and intense accessorizing. With the first sign of a fall chill, female greeks immediately develop similar neck and hand fur of bright colours. This is known as the Walmart $9.99 matching glove and scarf set. The female greeks don't seem to mind the fact that their winter fur develops when temperatures still hover in the 70's and sometimes 80's. Nature and evolution cannot explain it, however, scientific research is still being done to determine the reasoning for the female greek's strange behaviour.

Apparently even Wild America is not able to answer my question. I am probably the most cold natured person I know, and sometimes I am tempted to bring a hat and scarf to work with me to keep from going into shock in our office, but even I know that 65 degrees is too warm to be marching all over campus in furry boots and woolen mittens. However, it did provide me amusement as I trekked up Copeland this morning. I would have gladly stayed and watched the typical Floridan students (of which I am one) meander in their paradoxical attire of flip-flops and warm jackets to escape being the guinea pig of a cruel scientific experiment of which I was about to be a part.

In my oh-so-pointless-but-required-to-graduate Speech class I'm taking, we have a requirement to participate in some sort of research project and it gets counted as a test grade. Most of the ones my TA listed were communication experiments dealing with things like brain injury, speaking issues, and hearing problems, and healthy students could participate to provide the "normal" data. The one I signed up for dealt with vocal cords and I thought that would be easy enough. I have vocal chords. They work properly. Too properly, maybe... So how hard could it be, right?

I should have known when I went down my third flight of stairs into the bowels of the Diffenbaugh building that this was not going to turn out well for me. Experiments should never take place in basements of 200 year old edifices. Make a note of that. Anyway, I did not take my own advice and so, determined to get my 50 points, I cautiously made my way into a small, damp room where my TA stood with a certain device that I'm quite sure is used by the CIA for "convincing." It was a long wire about the thickness of a TV cord with a camera attached to the end.

"We're going to stick this down your nose into your throat to look at your vocal chords," my TA said. "It doesn't hurt at all; it's just kind of weird feeling." You've got to be kidding me.

Well, as that chord went through my nasal canal and made its way down my wind pipe I started to believe that my TA must equate "weird feeling" with "severe torture." I felt like a what a duffel bag must feel like when a football player's trying to stuff just one more shoe in it and it won't go. This went against everything my pediatrician taught me. (One time Chris stuck a tic-tac nose and Dr. Bonnell told us that we should never put anything in our nose, especially cinnamon tic-tacs. So much for "breathe friendly." I don't think Chris took a breath through his nose for weeks.) I thought for sure I would lose my nose and be forced, like Major Kovalyov, to wander the streets without it.

And then, the final blow. Seeing my face stained with tears, my TA said to me, "Just think of the extra credit you're going to get."

"Extra credit?" I said. "This is for my research grade."

"Oh," she said. "Weren't you here Friday? I told you all that we were having a researcher come to the class and you could count that as your research grade."

I wanted to tell her she could take that cord and...well, I have to keep this G-rated. If that camera had not still been in my throat I might have done something that I would have seriously regretted later. She asked me how it felt and I told her getting my nose pierced hurt less. How much extra credit did I receive for that lovely experiment? 5 measly points on a quiz grade. That comes out to 2/10 of a point on my final grade. I'd say I laughed to keep from crying, but as I was already crying, the chuckling would have just been overkill.

The moral of this story is threefold.

1) Do not zone out in class.
2) Do not participate in scientific experiments that take place in dungeons.
3) Never let anyone put anything larger than a hair in your nose. If it's larger than that, it obviously does not belong there.

Alright ladies! Let's all get out our matching scarf and hat sets! It's 68 degrees out!

Quote o' the Day

2007-10-07T16:30:00.000-05:00

"It's a good sign...when you win." -Bobby Bowden

See ya!

2007-10-05T14:28:00.000-05:00

Over by the music building yesterday I overheard a man say to his blind friend, "See ya tomorrow." The blind man replied, "Yeah, see ya."

Call me a horrible person, but I was very amused by this.

(Plus, I figure few blind people read my blog anyway, so they will not be offended.)

In case you guys missed it, yesterday was the 50th anniversary of Sputnik 1. I imagine the launching of Sputnik 1 was quite distressing to the United States, since its R-7 launch vehicle was designed to carry nuclear warheads, but as I was not here then, to me it just looks like a cool spider thing.

Sputnik 5 was the mission that carried Belka and Strelka, the Soviet dogs. They were super cute.

Unlike Belka and Strelka, I like to keep my feet firmly planeted on terra firma. Well, maybe not on just the ground, but defnitely in this atmosphere. I don't think that's too much to ask. I like space. I like looking at it. I'd rather not be in it. I mean, what does space have? Aliens, death, destruction... There's no gravity, no air, no food, no Walmarts. Why would anyone want to go there except for sinister reasons like to blow other countries up? I tell you, no good can come of it.

I'm excited about the game tomorrow. Melissa got me super great seats. Unlike the USF game, I will actually be able to see the players this time. (Just kidding, Dad. The seats were great...)

Happy October, everybody!

Saturday Morning Nostalgia

2007-09-25T10:17:00.000-05:00

I am not a good little kid shopper. Last night I went to Walmart for the sole purpose of buying a present for my friend Sveta's kid's birthday party tonight at Chuck E. Cheese. Masha is turning six and well, if she were 6-teen or 6-ty I probably could have found something with no problem, but 6 is just not good. I wandered aimlessly through the toy section amidst Tonka trucks and Barbie castles and came to the conclusion that there is just way too much crap in the toy section. Let's face it; it's all a rip off. I mean, how many toys did you actually play with when you were little for more than a week? More than a day? When it comes down to it, there are really only 3 things the basic kid needs to keep him or her happy:

1. Quilts
2. Legos
3. A Refrigerator Box

Let me explain because Lori is probably the only person who is with me at this point. Saturday mornings were very structured in my house when I was little. Dad always worked on Saturdays and Mom took the opportunity to sleep in, so we were on our own. When we didn't have soccer practice, at 6:30, on the dot, my brothers and I got up and fixed ourselves some cereal and watched Beast Wars on Fox 49 with Mrs. Jan. (Can I get a shout out for Mrs. Jan? Any native Tallahassean remembers her. We didn't have cable so the privilege of watching Stick Stickly on Nickelodeon was lost to us.) Then we moved on to Power Rangers, then to X-men, then to Spiderman and sometimes to Bill Nye the Science Guy if we were feeling in the educational mood. Chances are we weren't- so the T.V. was left behind at about 10 a.m.

Now sometimes we read books or watched more TV or played games, but the all time favorite thing to do on Saturday mornings before Mom got up was to get all the quilts and blankets out of the bathroom closet and make a giant tent out of our whole living room. The key to this fantastic event was to get it started before Mom got up, otherwise she wouldn't let us because she knew she would be the one folding up all the blankets and quilts afterwards. But as long as we got it started before 10:30 we were good to go. We always began by stuffing the pink and white quilt into the top of our upright piano (another thing Mom disapproved of) and draped it over the bench. From there on out we threw blankets over couches and love seats and even the fireplace mantle. We had our own country under there, each of us with a separate little piece of the kingdom. I, of course, always ruled the lands surrounding the Piano Castle. This was undisputed. I think that Chris usually ended up ruling the dark, hilly lands of KofeeTabel and Cameron got stuck with the heavily industrial Entertainment Centre Field. Sometimes Mom would even let us keep it up all the way through Sunday. Somehow, even though the blankets were really the equivalent to an indoor shanty town, they managed to keep us entertained for a good part of the whole weekend.

If by some chance Mom got up early on Saturday morning or Dad happened to be off, they would generally look down upon our destroying the whole house for the sake of creating our little indoor kingdom, so we just had to make one that was much smaller. Causing nearly as much mess was our collection of legos, a collection that had been built up for years by small purchases ever so often at garage sales. Cities rose, battles were fought, planets were explored, skyscrapers were constructed- all in the foyer of our house. It was the kingdom of primary colors- red, yellow and blue. We built to our hearts' content, hours on end.

And then there was #3. Every once in a while on the way home from somewhere, Mom would stop by the Maytag store and throw an old refrigerator box into the back of our van. Sometimes she'd get three so that we'd each have one. There is nothing greater than a refrigerator box. They are for both indoor and outdoor use. You can live in it, sleep in it, decorate it, cut holes in it, eat in it, watch movies in it, color in it. Anything exciting you can do as a kid can be made even more exciting by doing it in a refrigerator box. All other toys pale by comparison.

Naturally, I had to bypass getting Masha #1 or #3 for her birthday. And the Lego selection at Walmart seemed to be limited to incredibly complicated, instructions-required legos. A plethora of colors and sizes, translucent and opaque- Lego has gone tragically far from its simple primary color beginnings. I left the toy section feeling quite uninspired. Fortunately, at that very moment Ruth called and gave me some good advice, so I traipsed over to the jewelry section and bought Mashenka some princess jewelry. I hope she likes it. Otherwise I might stop by the Maytag store and get her a slightly unconventional but much more exciting refrigerator box.

What Happens in Rovetta Stays in Rovetta

2007-09-19T18:33:00.000-05:00

I've always thought I was much too frugal for gambling. Throwing money away in mass quantities never appealed to me much. I never thought that buying lottery tickets was being a good steward of my money.

(However, as a side note I would like to say that Melissa can play the lottery all she wants because when she wins, she and Jenn are going to open up an orphanage in Ukraine and I will get to come play in it. Play on, Melissa; play on.)

I think that although I may have strong convictions in that regard, I am still going to have to stay far away from slot machines.

This is how I came to that conclusion.

I am a big fan of Coke Zero Cherry. And once I get fixated on a drink, well, that is just what I want. Sally Albright wanted her dressing on the side and I want cherry in my coke. Is that really too much to ask? Until FSU starts putting Pepsi in the coke machines, I will just keep finding Coke Zero Cherries. I really don't like anything else that is in them. Well, I was getting ready to go to Russian lit, my most favorite class, and I knew that I was really going to need some caffeine to keep me awake. So, I walked over to the Rovetta building to coke machine row, where seven beautiful coke machines are available for service. I placed my five quarters in and hit "Coke Zero Cherry." Sold out. So I went to the next one. Sold out. #3...4...5, they were all sold out. After #6 I started to get worried. I put in my five quarters in lucky number seven and pushed "Coke Zero Cherry." The dismal red button lit up. No luck. So, I hit "coin return" for the seveth pathetic time. Then, to my surprise, six, not five quarters slid of the machine.

"Must have been chance," I thought. "Someone left their quarter in there."

But in the back of my mind I knew I had heard six quarters hit the bottom of the coin return. There was only one way to find out if I was predestined to get another extra quarter. I picked up my five original quarters (with lucky number six safe in my pocket), and stuck them in again.

"Alright," I thought. "Big money, big money!"

My eyes grew twice their normal size as I watched six quarters fall into my hand. My head started screaming, "I won! I won!" Something momentarily took over my body. I had to do it again. Somehow my logical brain was replaced by this greedy monster who wanted nothing more except to get another extra quarter. "Win the jackpot, Calyn." I would have played all day. (Well, I'm sure at some point I would have realized that to keep doing it would be stealing from the Coca Cola company, but we hadn't gotten to that point yet.) But as I placed my quarters in for the third time and hit "coin return" nothing happened. Only my five original quarters came out. Something clicked in my head. My normal, logical self returned. I slapped myself. "Get a hold of yourself, Calyn."

It was at that point that I realized I would never be visiting the state of Nevada. The first and most obvious reason of course being the aliens, but I think that the Danny Ocean in me would not be able to control myself in the Mirage. I think I'll just keep playing Texas Hold 'Em with M&M's.

Jenna drew some graffiti on my facebook wall. It is pretty much amazing.

This just in: Archers are trading in their Jim Bows for Tee Bows

2007-09-17T08:51:00.001-05:00

It would be a blatant lie if I told you that I enjoy my 8 o'clock class on Monday mornings, but I do enjoy getting to FSU before the myriad others arrive and take all the good parking spots. There is something very rewarding about getting one of the first spots in the little student lot on College Street. It puts you above the rest. Maybe you are more committed, more parking savvy, more talented at navigating through morning traffic. Or maybe you just value sleep less. It's most likely the latter, but nonetheless, my little Saturn looks quite content in that first row.

It's official- 9 out of 10 Tallahasseans believe that if FSU played a game against Lincoln's highschool football team tomorrow, Lincoln would win.

Well...maybe I made that statistic up, but I think there's some truth to it. (I really do believe that everyone would agree that Lincoln could beat Notre Dame. Heck, maybe even Leon could beat Notre Dame.) But, a win is a win and even a pathetic excuse for a victory is better than a loss. 2-1 looks much better than 1-1.

And what do you know? Miami actually managed to keep its players from having a full-scale riot this weekend. Most colleges would consider this a no-brainer, but not the poor UM students whose exorbitant tuition fees have been financing anger management therapy sessions for their football playing classmates. Now, if they can just beat a good team...

Enough of my pathetic excuse for football commentary. It boils down to this- 2 Florida teams are playing very well and 2, well, aren't. And if I hear the name "Tebow" one more time this week I will throw something. So steer clear.

6 Years Later

2007-09-11T01:39:00.000-05:00

It's been 6 years since 9/11, but it feels more like yesterday. So many tributes and memorials were raised to honor the fallen, but I remember this video the best.

To all the Swiss out there...

2007-09-01T08:00:00.000-05:00

You should never go grocery shopping when you are hungry. It is a bad plan. Combine hunger with Publix, where shopping is a pleasure, and you have a recipe for disaster. Perhaps not disaster, but an extra-large grocery bill. Jenna and I went to buy grapes. Green grapes were 99 cents a pound and this is a good deal, especially if you enjoy grapes. Grapes were the only thing we needed. But, you see, Publix had all of these buy one/get one deals yesterday. And I mean, if you buy one, you get one free. Who can pass this up? Jenshka and I filled our buggy with sweet tea, bagels, yogurt, green beans, healthy choice microwave meals, and some "lightly cinnamon" wheat thins. I have a bone to pick with the Wheat Thins company. "Lightly cinnamon" doesn't make any sense. It should be "light cinnamon" or "lightly cinnamoned" or "lightly flavored with cinnamon." "Lightly cinnamon" is both confusing and grammatically incorrect. I mean, how can cinnamon be "lightly?" Cinnamon can be old, it can be delicious, it can be aromatic, but it cannot be lightly. Unfortunately, there seems to be a hole in the English requirement of the marketing major.

Is it bad that I'm already anticipating the end of the semester? It's only day 4 of class, but yesterday in Russian Lit I doodled pictures of stars and kept count of how many times my professor said the word "how-eeeeeever." 14. In my defense, she spent much of the lecture telling the story of how Prince Vladimir chose Christianity as the religion for the kingdom of Russia. I tell this same story every year at Radooga Orientation. I know it backwards and forwards. And when I tell it, it is much more interesting. My prefered storytelling medium is the flannelgraph, but when this is unavailable, a white board will do. She used nothing but her mouth. How am I supposed to keep interested?

Last night Kenley, Jenna, Joe, Janelle, David, Dean and I ate fish at Dean's house and then we watched the Sound of Music. To clear up for everyone, Edelweiss is neither the anthem of Austria nor even an Austrian song. It was simply written by Rogers and Hammerstein for the musical. The edelweiss is actually the national flower of Switzerland. Who knew? (Probably the Swiss.)

(Edelweiss)

Monday is Labor Day and as such, we will be taking a break from our labors. This means that there will be a kickball game at 5:30 on the hill. Everyone should be there. :0) Arrivederci!

Run the Earth; Watch the Sky

2007-08-28T11:33:00.001-05:00

I love looking at the stars. I honestly know very little about them, other than what I've picked up from Bill Nye, PBS, and an Earth Science course at TCC, but truthfully, I'd prefer to keep it that way. There's something beautiful and enticing about looking up at the night sky and enjoying it for its mystery. This is why I was very excited about the email I got that said on August 27th, Mars was to appear as large as the moon, "A great night for stargazers." While Diane, Jenna and Kenley played a rousing game of Monopoly- realtor's version (They make it far too complicated for any normal human being to play. There are timeshares, rentals, managers of properties, financing available, leases and all sorts of other nonsense involved), Leah and I grabbed a sheet and a bottle of bugspray and made for the grassy part of the yard near our hammock. We never saw Mars. I'm sure it was there in all its red glory, but sadly, we never caught of glimpse of it.

All was not a loss, though. The moon was particularly beautiful. (I hear there was a lunar eclipse early this morning, but we missed that one as well.) One of my favorite things about laying on a blanket and looking at stars with people is that looking towards heaven generally steers conversation in that same direction. Some of the best talks I've had with people have been while looking at stars. So thanks for the company, Leah! :0)

"Sometimes I think of Abraham, how one star he saw had been lit for me..." - Rich Mullins

My last first day...

2007-08-27T16:18:00.000-05:00

Today was my last first day of school. Last first day... Now, see, yesterday evening that thought brought about a sort of melancholy feeling, but after walking a mile up a hill through the rain at at way too early in the morning it morphed into a thought of comfort. Like most college campuses, FSU has far too little parking, and what parking it does have is confined to the outskirts of campus where it is really not convenient to anything or anyone. I parked in a parking garage around a mile from where I work and started trekking up Jefferson Street in the pouring rain. But then- a bus! It was so close. I took off running towards it, but as soon as I was close enough to read the numbers on the license plate it took off to rumble towards the next stop. Lucky for me, traffic was horrible, so I knew if I ran I could cut it off and get it at the next stop. So I did. But then, as I sprinted towards the finish line my shoe broke and I had to run back and pick it up. I was a pitiful case, soaking wet, standing on the sidewalk with a broken shoe and a sad excuse for an umbrella, watching my only hope of walking into my office with some bit of dignity left to me head towards Southgate to pick up the rich freshman. Ah well, such is life. Thankfully, my last first day is over and I can move on to my last second day.

T minus 3 days until college football...get fired up.

Rest in Peace, Back to the Future

2007-08-14T09:57:00.000-05:00

I am not really a theme park person. I mean, they're okay and all, but somehow waiting in a line for hour to be thrilled for 45 seconds just doesn't seem like the best use of my time. However, I have always wanted to go to Universal Studios. During my, Carli and Derek's reunion this past weekend I was presented with the perfect theme park visiting opportunity- completely free with no travel time. Who could pass this up? So it was off to Universal. One cannot be too careful about losing their car, so we took a picture.

I was so glad that I remembered my sweater that day.

We first went to Islands of Adventure and Carli asked what we would like to do. I told her that we could do anything that everybody wanted as long as we made sure to get to the Back to the Future ride. My whole life I had wanted to ride it.

Imagine my complete dismay when we followed the map to the Back to the Future ride to see it completely torn down, preparing for some monstrosity known as "The Simpsons Ride." How could Michael J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd even be compared with the Simpsons!? Back to the Future is a classic! One of the greatest movies ever made! I can't even make it through 3 minutes of the Simpsons! The store was still there, the DeLorean parked outside, but a horrid pink sprinkled donut was all that stood in place of the greatest ride of all time.

Fortunately some other great movie rides remained. We got to see Terminator in 3-D and Carli almost got us kicked out with her flash photography. (She is hardcore.)

And we took our picture with the greatest vehicle ever not made.

The third time I got stuck in this very seat my self esteem started to fall...

We even managed to take in some great waves.

Me and Derek doing our best Bubba faces.

red said it best

2007-08-13T00:56:00.000-05:00

i miss fountain drink stops at places with dr. pepper and diet pepsi

i miss roadtrips to the georgia (the state, not the country ;0) line at 3 o'clock in the morning.

i miss late night bunkbed talks

i miss celebrating april 4th every year with seafood

i miss drawing the lyrics to songs on computer paper

i miss trying out hair braiding skills before youth on sundays

i miss splitting shrimp and scallop meals

i miss not having to finish my thoughts out loud

i miss rocking out to petra

i miss the tale of the three trees

i miss speeding down fred george with the sunroof open

i miss hanging out on todd's couch

i miss eating cereal for dinner

i miss walking down the hill...

...onto the white stones...

...between the two trees...

...through a couple spiderwebs...

...to a perpetually locked door

i miss drama practice

i miss the seals at seaworld

i miss watching the shawshank redemption and quoting all of morgan freeman's best lines

i miss opening christmas presents way too early

i miss singing american pie from start to finish on the way to church

i miss being read max lucado books

i miss being in the same time zone

i miss being on the phone until 2 in the morning when i used to think it was late

I miss messing up all the words to "into the woods."

i miss being four houses away

i miss sharing a room

i miss grocery shopping

i miss agreeing on all essentials- sour cream, pelmeni, cheap toilet paper and coke light

i miss 8 episodes of boy meets world a day

i miss sharing everything

i miss planning what to do with a newly bought delorean

i miss looking up the lyrics to songs on google so we can make sure we've got it right

i miss cinnamon-sprinkled coffee

i miss dead deer

i miss walking home from the bus stop

i miss sneaking away from maria ivanovna

i miss the jeep

i miss trying to figure out how many grams of cookies we need

i miss singing big fish in the car

i miss sharing headphones on the marshrutka

i miss celtic festivals

i miss playing at the coast

i miss giving toasts at shenanigans

i miss playing christmas music in july

i miss educating our generation on how great cheers is

i miss having to buy half as many cd's

i miss putting up my christmas tree

i miss taking it all for granted and thinking it would always be exactly the way it was

i guess i just miss my friend

2007-07-31T12:21:00.000-05:00

Was anybody driving down Tennessee Street at about 1:45 yesterday? It was like a dam broke. Rain pouring down from out of nowhere. Ocala looked a lot like this-

That's me standing there by that rock where Crystal River used to be.

Anyway, I managed to keep my little Saturn from floating away by staying in the middle lane because the right hand one was submerged in rushing water. I was completely soaked running the 5 feet from my car to my door. I'm reading through Genesis and when I opened up my Bible last night, lo and behold, we were on the story of Noah. Not the Evan Almighty version, but the old school one. (Michael Scott or not, I'm not a fan of sequels so I'm going to bypass that one.) So here's the gist of chapter 7.

"The LORD then said to Noah, "Go into the ark, you and your whole family, because I have found you righteous in this generation...And Noah did all that the LORD commanded him...And after the seven days the floodwaters came on the earth."

I wonder if Noah or any of his family thought about how ridiculous it seemed to wait 7 days inside an ark for the whole earth to flood. In the Fantasia version of Noah and the ark it starts to rain as soon as they all get inside. Granted, you can't expect the story to be too terribly accurate when Noah hires Donald Duck as his assistant. But I just think that if I were in that ark, sharing my room with an elephant, an anaconda and a couple of horned toads, I'd be ready to throw in my hat and get back to the sunshine. Good thing they didn't though, or I suppose I wouldn't be here.

I suppose God does promise us things and then makes us wait a bit. Afterall, the Israelites waited 400 years for freedom. I hope I never have to wait that long for something.

Free Fallin'

2007-07-24T11:38:00.000-05:00

I wouldn't say I'm clumsy. My feet just like to meander out and about on their own a bit without my head knowing it. They're very unreliable. But, then, how would you like to be a foot, really? All the weight of the body rests on you and you just hold it up, carrying it around with no say in where it goes. I for one would rather be an eye or a hand. This is sounding familiarly like a sermon out of Corinthians.

I was going to let Foot 1 and Foot 2 have a few words in this blog post, but I'm currently upset with them over their embarrassing display off Hartsfield Road today. They tell me that the sidewalk just seemed to jump out in front of them, but I don't believe any of this. I think the Foots and the Eyes are plotting my demise. They're off to a good start. However, the Knees and Hands are livid over the gashes and bruises they endured today while a slew of drivers watched and so there will be no cooperation from them. There could be a mutiny tonight while I sleep. When that happens I generally fall off the bunkbed and Head suffers the most. Poor Head. He doesn't bother anyone.

Anyway, I am going to go find some neosporin and a couple band-aids. You all have a fabulous day. And if any of you would like to go see Leon's production of "My Fair Lady" tomorrow night, let me know. Arrivederci!

2007-07-16T11:34:00.000-05:00

How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them?
-the apostle Paul

My friend Nick is sharing the gospel with people in the Phillipines. He's been there for a couple months. He canoed up a river to share with people who have never heard the gospel. There's no churches, no pastors, no Christian schools, no WWJD? bracelets, no Jesus Loves You coffee mugs and no metal fish stuck on the back of rusty pick up trucks. No one has ever gone to share the good news of Jesus at any time.

This is a picture he took of a Filpino woman crying over the fact that Jesus died for her. She didn't know.

"If sinners be damned, at least let them leap to Hell over our bodies. If they will perish, let them perish with our arms about their knees. Let no one go there unwarned and unprayed for."
-Charles Spurgeon

It Wasn't So "Affle"...

2007-07-10T12:36:00.000-05:00

There's just something about Waffle House. The food's rarely good, the service is terrible and bowl of grits houses more butter than a Land O' Lakes factory. But we all still go there. Maybe it's because we feel sorry for the lonely employees who wait tiredly at 3 o'clock in the morning for some poor soul to come in and talk to them. Or maybe it's because a waffle only costs $1.25 and this is just barely under my 4th meal budget. Whatever the case may be, this is the restaurant Diane chose for us to eat at after the Fourth of July event last Wednesday. Our friends Eric and Logan drove down from the metropolis of Hahira, Georgia to watch the fireworks with us and then it was off to the Waffle House on Capital Circle.

Waffle House was surprisingly crowded at 11:00 that evening. 2 employees, a cook and a waiter, ran around like chickens with their heads cut off, the latter looking particularly despondent. We filled up about 3 tables and were waiting patiently for someone to come to our table when the waiter stood up declared, "This is [insert expletive here]," and walked out, pad in hand. The cook seemed to turn white and all of us looked at him, wondering what we were supposed to do. He started to pace the floor and looked as though he was about to faint at any moment. He tried calling his manager, but she was an hour away. He didn't even know how to use the register. Or take orders. He was just the cook. All of us who'd already eaten didn't have tickets, so we didn't know how much we owed. It was at this point that Christina Klawinski stood up and put her hand on the cook's shoulder and said, "I'll run the register." Christina went behind the counter and started tinkering with the register, trying to figure it out. The cook, Randall was his name, looked so relieved that Diane got up and started taking drink orders. Another girl from a different table (who looked a lot like Joy Fulford, so we took to calling her that) asked Randall for a pad of paper and began to take orders for everybody. Armed with a menu in one hand and a calculator in another, a skinny muscular guy in a wife-beater began to walk to each table making tickets for everyone. Kenley calculated tax, Logan put on an apron and hat and began to wash dishes, another guy named Doug began scooping out grits and Joy's daughter began cleaning tables. Randall had never had such help, nor such a clean store.

After about half an hour, the new "employees" of the Capital Circle Waffle House were already shouting orders to each other. Joy chided Doug for his ignorance of the Waffle House menu. "Come on, Doug, you know that the All Star breakfast comes with a waffle!" Kenley was demanding refills and all of us were feeling pretty comfortable in there. When the manager walked in unexpectedly all of us stopped dead. We'd violated so many health codes and labor laws. But she only smiled and went on and on about how blessed she was with such sweet customers. So it was with a mix of disappointment and relief that we handed over the reigns to her. Randall got the biggest tip that night he'll probably ever see and he had a pretty darn good Fourth of July that day. I think that all of us have jobs waiting for us at Waffle House if we ever need them. (I also think that we'll all respectfully decline the offer.)

Jason and the Limbs

2007-07-04T17:48:00.000-05:00

And now it's time for that great 50's doo-wop hit by Jason and the Limbs- Do You Have a Chainsaw?

We're here with Jenna Myrick, triangle player for the one hit wonder group Jason and the Limbs. Tell me, Jenna, what's the story behind your band's name?

Well, Jason was my neighbor back in 2007. One day he came to the door and asked me if I saw the lamp that fell in my backyard and I said, "Wha? There's a lamp in my backyard?" And he said, "Liiiiimmmb." And I said, "Oh, no, I haven't seen the limb that fell in my backyard."

Do you find it hard to understand Jason on a regular basis?

No, but he insists that he has a strong southern accent. He doesn't.

Was this the first time that Jason has come over?

No...he likes to over-inform us on things that happen at our house. Normally it's kind of annoying, but this time I really did have no idea that there was half a tree in our yard.

How'd it fall?

Well, we assumed that lightening had struck it because it had been storming really bad, but Jason gave me a long, drawn-out explaination about how "this here tree's a wateroak and that's why it fell and blah, blah, blah." Laurie says it's a cherry tree. He's misinformed.

So, what happened next?

Well, we walked outside to see a giant limb, and I'm talking giant, from the tree that had fallen onto our hammock in our backyard. And he asks me, "Do you have a chainsaw?" And I said, "Uh, no." And he said, "Do you have any kind of saw?" And I said, "No." And he said, "Well, if I had a chainsaw, I'd cut it down right now. But since I don't, do you want me to call your landlord?"

Why would he call? Were you not speaking to your landlord?

No, Todd and I are pretty much BFF. But Jason didn't know this and he felt like it was his responsibiltiy to take care of the needs of the world. He assumes we're little helpless college girls.
Jason insists on moving the tree because he thinks that it's going to injure his fence. I asked if he needed assistance, but he said, "No, that's okay, Sweetie."

Do you think it's normal for 40-year old men to call you Sweetie?

Uh, no, but at least he didn't call me Sugarlips.
Jason tries to move the limb, but it's obviously too heavy because he sounds like he's going to have a heart attack at any moment. But as he pushes it a piece flies up against the fence and whacks it off. He didn't seem too concerned. It'll give him a place to look through to make sure no more limbs have fallen into our yard.

Thanks for your time, Jenshka. Let's give it up for Jason and the Limbs.

One- Ahahah! Two- Ahahaha!

2007-06-29T10:22:00.000-05:00

Publixes just make me happy. They are so welcoming. And the stores are green and I just love green. Jenna and I went yesterday to pick up some diet lime soda for this stuff we're making and lo and behold, 12-packs of coke products were 5 for $10. This is utterly amazing. So we stocked up. And then we found all these buy one get one deals, Cool Whip, mushrooms, cereal. At the end of our amazing Publix experience I looked at my receipt. It said- Total: $22.01. Total Savings: $22.10. We saved more than we spent with all of our buy one get ones. This is a new mile marker in my life. If you live in a place that doesn't have Publixes, you are missing out. Call your congressman.

I was not naive enough to think that the feeling during my great shopping experience would be a feeling that would continue throughout the evening. It never happens that way. Dad and I went running at the Godby track and he was going to come in and use my cellphone to call his brother. We go to open the door and as I open it we both fall back writhing in pain, foaming at our mouths. Okay, well, not that bad, but Diane had spilt GARLIC in the house. My most hated enemy. I cringe at the sound of its name. Like nuclear radiation it had swept through my home and could even be smelt on the back porch. Dad could not handle it and went home. I almost followed him to make a spot on the couch. Fortunately, the garlic smell killed off my senses in the first 30 minutes or so as I could not tell the difference between Diane's roses and the spoiled milk in the fridge. Lerah's going to have to find a place to read that vampire book somewhere else. No vampire would be brave enough to venture onto our street at this point.

Count VonCount says: Only YOU can prevent garlic spills!

air matress + sinkhole + illegal substances = not good

2007-06-18T08:46:00.000-05:00

Carli came up this weekend.
And there was much rejoicing.

She is not in Tallahassee very often, so on each visit we try to show her the best Tallahassee has to offer. This weekend it was WalMarts and sinkholes. (And you ask why people want to get out of this town...)

Friday afternoon was all ours, so I took Carli to one of my favorite places in Tallahassee, the Country Dollar. We trekked all the way over to Apalachee Parkway. Too bad Mr. and Mrs. Countrydollar were on vacation. But that's okay because I had Kleenex in the car. (There was much sorrow.) Next on our list was to make sweet bags so we could be like Lori, Jake and Taylor. We went out to the Apalachee Walmart and made our way back to the fabric section. Or what should have been the fabric section. Alas, Walmarts are getting rid of the fabric deparment. Did you know this? You should contact your senators. Just terrible. So then we drove in 5 o'clock traffic to the Tennessee Street Walmart which currently has its fabric department still intact. We lost ourselves in Martha Stewartness for a few hours and I only ironed my arm once. This is a new record. (Say it like the guy on DanceDance Revolution- "Itsa new rec'ad!")

Saturday morning we saddled up and went to Cherokee Sink. There we were greeted by some local Wakullians jumping out of trees and way too many pairs of cut-off jean shorts, but we weren't complaining. The water was nice and cold and I got my couple backflips in off the high dive before necessity drove me away. (One too many offers of "If you drown, I specialize in CPR," from guys with sketchy tattoos.) However, an hour or so later I started smelling this odd smell. It was kinda giving me a headache and Nicole was getting a little giddy...(just kidding, Nicole). This is how it went down.

"Gosh, what is that smell?" -innocent me
"Uh...that's pot." -Carli

Our eyes drifted to the couple of shifty-eyed 14-year old tattooed boys who had somehow thought it a better idea drag their mom's velour-topped air matress out of the closet to throw in the sinkhole rather than buying a dollar raft from Walmart. The smoke drifting up from their matress and their obnoxious giggling gave it away.

Note to the potheads out there- Getting high on illegal substances and then jumping on an air matress while floating to the middle of a 100-foot sinkhole in the middle of Wakulla country is never a good idea.

Alright kids, let's review our lessons for today-

Make a quick phonecall before driving in traffic 45 minutes to jewelry stores.
Never assume that Walmart is going to have what you need.
Winners don't use drugs.

This blog post was brought to you by the letter Z and the number 9.

How To Convert Your Friends into Country Music Fans

2007-06-01T11:56:00.000-05:00

People, it has happened. I have successfully converted Jenna into a country music fan. Jenna. The last person I thought I could get to listen to 94.9. I couldn't have done it alone. Thanks to The Dean, Sarah, Lori and the others who have supported me in this endeavour.

Friends have come to me and said, "Calyn, how did you do this? I've been trying for years to get my [insert being here] to listen to country music with no luck."

I've decided to write a self-help manual on my blog to help you all.

Converting Your Friends into Country Music Fans for Dummies -by Calyn Reber

Step 1- Finding Common Ground

Not all of us have been blessed enough to grow up listening to country music. Some people have parents who always listened to Rush Limbaugh on the radio, some listened to Wee Sing Kid tapes, some lived in places where they didn't have country music, like Bangladesh or South Florida. Often times when those friends enter your vehicle to hear Alabama blasting, it's a little too much for them to handle. Their ears have not been accustomed to twang and nearly understandable southern accents. This is why you must find common ground first.

Turn your dial to Star 98. There, in the midst of crap like, "This is why I'm hot...this is why you're not...I'm hot 'cause I'm fly...You ain't 'cause you not..." you will occasionally hear goodness creeping through. Goodness like Keith Urban and Carrie Underwood. This is where you start.

When person X enters your vehicle, have a CD ready to go with songs of various people whom Star 98 has deemed worthy to play on their station. Things like, "Making Memories of Us," and "Who Says You Can't Go Home." You'll want to bypass "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy" at this point in the game.

Hopefully, you will hear person X humming or even singing along. Once you have reached this point, prepare for step 2.

Step 2- Let Them Think That They are Doing You a Favor

When person X enters your car, wait until they get situated and then say, "Oh, sorry. I forgot you don't like to listen to country music. Then change it to some sad alternative. Most of the time, if you have a good friend, they will say, "Oh, no. It's okay. It's your car," or something like that.

Step 2 is tricky because it may or may not happen. You may have a friend who is not that polite. After repeated failed efforts it is okay to move ahead to Step 3

Step 3- The Roadtrip

The roadtrip is absolutely essential for full submersion. Without the roadtrip, one can spend months, even years repeating steps one and two, hoping for a breakthrough. I am speaking from experience, because I was converted in a roadtrip. Sarah and Rebekah promised me that if I listened to country music for our whole Alabama roadtrip that I would be a fan by the time we came home. I didn't believe them. But it was true.

The key about country music is it's only fun once you know the words. It's great singalong music. I mean, really, how many rap songs can you sing along to? You mostly just bob your head, do the white man's overbite, and wait for the chorus. So, this is why roadtrips are essential. Camping roadtrips in giant Tahoe's with ipods make for great conversions. You need multiple people singing along. Find a theme song. You want something with catchy lyrics that you can quote like, "Mmmmmmmmmmm, old man Wrigley has died..." Then you do your best Ronnie Dunn impersonations. You want to figure out the songs that person X likes, and play those multiple times, until they start learning the words. Once they learn lyrics, your work is basically done.

99% of the time you will have a country music fan upon your return.

Calyn Reber is a freelance writer in the Florida Panhandle. She started listening to country music at the age of six, but fell away until some friends brought her back in high school. She spends some of her time paying forward what her friends did for her. She likes swimming, jogging and tapioca pudding. Calyn lives in Tallahassee with her roommates, Diane and Jenna and their pet turtle, Sam. Or, at least if she had a pet turtle, his name would be Sam.

"Mmmm, old man pelican has died..."

2007-05-29T08:55:00.001-05:00

So this weekend was the best weekend ever! Camping Extravaganza with the Dean, Jenna, David, Tori, Kenley, Joe and Diane; later joined by Tamara, Nicole and Janelle.

The Dean showed up in the boat to pick us up. He is quite the street sailor.

It's important to stay hydrated. After we drank the water in the bottles we drank the bottles too. It's difficult to digest caps, though. (However, not as hard as a fishing hook. "mmm, old man pelican has died...")

After we set up camp, me, the Dean, Joe and Jenna went to Tony Roma's for dinner.

It was super good.

That night the rest of the gang came down, and they didn't know that Joe was there. It was a surprise. So, Joe went and hid himself on the sand dune behind our campsite. After everybody had settled down and started a campfire, Joe came down the sand dune making monster noises and scared the crap out of Tori. It was amazing. Uh-mazing.

The next day we got up, ate breakfast and headed to the beach.

I had no idea at that point about the sunburn I was destined to get.

Tori is practicing her fish face.

Me and Jenshka

We are so amazing. (This is before Jenna falls and takes off half of her knee.)

David takes good pictures.

Back at the campsite. We're trying to look tough and camper-like.

That's a good one.

David says this is his "K-String's Angels" pic.

David's best "redneck tourist" pose.

Me, Jenshka, Tamara and Nicole found some swings. Yay.

Tamerica

Nicole

I think we need to invest in some swings, Jenshka.

Me, searching for dolphins

Tamerica, showing off her skimboarding skillz.

Cooking up some hotdogs.

On the way home I was super cold, so David gave me his sleeping bag.

Nicole buckled me in.

Jenna came to see me turn into a beautiful butterfly.

It was a super great trip. We thought about doing it every weekend, but I don't think my skin and Jenna's knees could withstand the pressure. Oh well.

Spending Most My Life in a Beanpole Paradise

2007-05-23T08:47:00.000-05:00

I'm going camping this weekend. Camping at the beach. This means 3 things: 1) Sunburn, 2) Sunburn, and 3) I need to buy a new bathing suit. I haven't bought a new bathing suit in probably 5 years. I haven't bought new tennis shoes in about 5 years either, but this is different. When I tell people I haven't replaced my amazing New Balance tennis shoes they say, "Oh, well they definitely don't look that old," or, "Oh, they're in such good shape, though." (The tennis shoes, not me.) But when I say "I haven't bought a new bathing suit in 5 years," everyone looks up at the ceiling, twiddles their thumbs and crickets can be heard chirping in the background. I took that to mean it was time to brave the department stores and get ready to join the masses screaming and crying in the dressing rooms. (It's true. Grown women, bursting into tears in the dressing rooms of the swimsuit department. You laugh, but it's true...)

I made my way over to the Tallahassee mall and was unsuccessful at Goody's and Oshman's. Then it was over to Dillard's where I had wild success, but could not justify paying $100 for a swimsuit. The thought that I could send 20 more Bibles to China this month with that was too much. So in a last ditch effort, I trekked over to Target.

It was paradise. Bathing suits everywhere. All different colors and styles. And only about 50% were the slutty ones, so I had a good chance of finding a decent one. And then, as I made my through the first rack, panic set it. They were all smalls. All of them. No mediums, no larges, no extra-larges... I watched the little Mary Kates and Ashleys blissfully grab handfuls to take to the dressing rooms. It was beanpole paradise. I walked dejected through the aisles. And then a thought hit me. I left the light bulb over my head in the dust and went to the return rack outside the dressing room. There, shining in all their glory, were 3 mediums! My search was over. I only screamed for a second and happily went to the checkout.

Quote o' the Day:

"Yeah, I dropped it like it was hot, but then I couldn't pick it back up." -Selena

We shall have all eternity to celebrate our victories, but we have only one swift hour before the sunset in which to win them." -Robert Moffat

2007-05-17T18:43:00.000-05:00

Me and the gang watched Schindler's List last night. The idea was sparked with a round of "Shout About Movies." My team correctly guessed that the last black and white movie to receive the Academy Award for best picture was Schindler's List, but none of us had ever actually seen it. Obviously, that's not really a movie that you get together with a group of people and have a party to watch. "Hey guys, Miss Congeniality, Legally Blonde, or Schindler's List?" But as all of us at one point or another had wanted to see it, Kenley ordered it on Net Flicks.

I was amazing at how Schindler could act completely indifferent with Nazi officials, convincing them that his Jews meant nothing to him except a few extra coins in his pocket over and over. He spent his entire fortune bribing Nazi officials and buying supplies to keep his workers alive. He even bought artillery shells from other factories to pass off as his own so that his own factory would not have any part in helping the German war cause. In the movie Schindler says to his accountant Itzhak, "Stern, if this factory ever produces a shell that can actually be fired, I'll be very unhappy."

And while the ending was incredible, with Oskar Schindler saving nearly 1,100 Jews from certain death in Auschwitz, it was Schindler's own reaction to everything that moved me the most. He is surrounded by 1,100 Jews who owe him their lives and this is what he says:

Oskar Schindler: I could have got more out. I could have got more. I don't know. If I'd just... I could have got more.
Itzhak Stern: Oskar, there are eleven hundred people who are alive because of you. Look at them.
Oskar Schindler: If I'd made more money... I threw away so much money. You have no idea. If I'd just...
Itzhak Stern: There will be generations because of what you did.
Oskar Schindler: I didn't do enough!
Itzhak Stern: You did so much.
[Schindler looks at his car]
Oskar Schindler: This car. Goeth would have bought this car. Why did I keep the car? Ten people right there. Ten people. Ten more people.
[removing Nazi pin from lapel]
Oskar Schindler: This pin. Two people. This is gold. Two more people. He would have given me two for it, at least one. One more person. A person, Stern. For this.
[sobbing]
Oskar Schindler: I could have gotten one more person... and I didn't! And I... I didn't!

And that got me thinking (as movies usually do). When my life is over and I stand before God, I know I'll have my share of cars and lapel pins. Selfish ambitions and wasteful living, time that could have been spent furthering the kindgom. I won't stand there going, "I could have made more money. I could have gotten that promotion," but I am almost certain I will look around me and say, "I could have gotten one more person. I could have fed the hungry, shared my time, and told one more about the love of Christ."

In church a few Sundays ago, Erik was talking about what we build our foundation upon. We're reading in I Corinthians. Paul said this, "But each one should be careful how he builds. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames."

I know I've gotta be more careful about how I build. Maybe I should quit typing and go do something. Do widzenia.

Quote O' the Day

2007-05-17T15:34:00.000-05:00

"I will eat anything that swims." -Me
"I will eat anything that swims and is a chicken." -Kenley

Maybe this will work?

You are not unknown

2007-05-15T08:32:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago I sent a letter to Pastor Wang. He was arrested and imprisoned in December with 7 other church leaders in China simply for sharing his faith in Jesus. I was saddened to find his letter in my mailbox yesterday with the word unknown in French and Chinese checked off on the envelope.

I wonder how many persecuted Christians believe that they are unknown and that the world doesn't know.
I wonder how many Christians know that more of their brothers and sisters have been killed for their faith in the past 100 years than the previous 1,900.

As Paul pleaded with the church at Colosse to "remember [his] chains," let's remember our brothers and sisters like Pastor Wang who are imprisoned, tortured and killed because of their faith in Christ. May they not be unknown.

"Remember those in prison, as if you were there yourself. Remember also those being mistreated, as if you felt their pain in your own bodies." Hebrews 13:3

Jacob Mumm- A Great American

2007-05-09T11:36:00.000-05:00

I would like to take this time to honour a friend of mine, (Notice, honor is written with a "u." This generally means that if the writer is not British, then it must be an important recognition. That is how much I care.) Mr. Jacob Mumm. I would write Jacob's middle name, but I don't know it and Lori is currently somewhere over the Atlantic, or I would ask her. I will take a guess. Jacob Schmidt Mumm. Schmidt is pretty much the worst name ever, as Jacob would likely agree, but somehow he makes even this horrid middle name something to marvel over.

Jacob Mumm is famous for many things. Decendent of the 3 brothers Mumm, Jacob is the decendent of Jacobus and Georges Hermann Mumm, founders of Mumm Champagnes. Following my very rigid search through Wikipedia, I have found the following things about him:

*Mr. Mumm is the first person to sell a human being on E-bay. Although this sale was never finalized, due to high shipping costs, Mr. Mumm is currently researching new ways to make human sales easier on the mega bidding engine.

*Mumm Peak is named after Jacob Mumm after his amazing rescue of seven mauve-spotted mountain goats, nearly extinct in Canada. Mr. Mumm is a national hero in Canada.

*Mr. Mumm is the founder of "Jakeism." When asked to comment about his pseudo-religion of sorts, Mr. Mumm said, "Calvinism is fading, Arminianism is SO last century. We now have Jake-ism." Jakeists generally conform to 4 or 5 "points." Girls normally can only adopt 4, as the first point is believing that girls are hot. Other points include the hatred of horses, and the mandatory love of stars and star-gazing. No one can be a Jakeist without first committing to this key point.

*Mr. Mumm is a semi-famous freelance photographer, well-liked by all of his clients. He is highly regarded in nature-circles as an expert yozhek photographer.

*Mr. Mumm is the co-owner of a blossoming bag company. His handmade bags are well-known in America and are currently being displayed overseas.

*Mr. Mumm is also drummer for the famous "Dawson Schmidt" band, climbing the charts and sweeping its way across America.

Mr. Mumm prides himself on his drumming and longboarding skills, as well as his expertise in Brazilian Jujitsu. His heroes are William Shatner, the creator of shaving cream, Henry Earl and Ukrainian babushkas.

A Tale of the Xenophobe

2007-04-30T10:36:00.000-05:00

You all will be so proud of me.
Yesterday I was sick and stayed home from church and I was flipping through channels and Signs was on TV. Now, I have an extreme phobia when it comes to aliens. Aliens just really scare me. Granted, I am easily frightened, but aliens put me on the verge of hyperventilating and having heart attacks. It's right up there with my fear of having an office job for the rest of my life and Hilary becoming president. The mere mention of ET puts me into a panic.
I have watched Signs on two other occasions. The first was in theatres with Jenna and Sarah. I sat between them and watched a total of 13 minutes of the actual movie. The rest of the minutes were spent with my hands over my face or burying my head in Jenna's shoulder moaning, "Why did I pay money to come see this? Why did I pay money to come see this?" Sarah and Jenna were dumbfounded at how I could be so petrified.
The second time was at Janelle and David's house one night. I of course did not pick the movie; it was chosen beforehand. I had the misfortune of sitting on the floor directly under a skylight. When Joaquin Phoenix looks up at the ceiling and says, "We didn't board the attic door," I threw a blanket over my head and prayed for morning.
So with that background you all should be so proud that I kept the station on 54 and watched Signs all the way to the end. I didn't even turn my head away when you can see that alien's reflection in the TV screen. I hate that part. Of course, the scariest part is when you see the alien on the Brazil home video, but fortunately we'd already passed that part when I started watching.
I feel like I'm making progress with my fears. I've almost gotten over my fear of Larry King completely. His creepy suspenders still make me uneasy, but I don't dive for the remote when he comes on the TV. And with me being able to watch Signs now, who knows when I'll be able to make it through Alien or ET? That will be a glorious day. But it will likely take a bit more therapy.

My butter has touched another food. I need new butter.

2007-04-25T09:46:00.000-05:00

I was sitting at the front desk waiting for the phone to ring when I noticed a new newspaper on the side table. The Chronicle of Higher Education. On the front page was a Chinese scientist with a huge smile on her face. The title read, "China Lures Scientists Home With Stem Cells. Untroubled by the use of human embryos, the country vies to become a world leader in research." That's good. Untroubled by the use of human embryos... It's said so flippantly, like, "Untroubled by her husband's decision to wear brown shoes and a black belt..." or "Untroubled by the fact that his mashed potatoes were touching his meat loaf..." I mean, really? Granted, we shouldn't be surprised that China, with some of the worst human rights violations on record (and far worse off), is excited about experimenting on people. But the fact that American newspapers are also excited about this is a little disturbing. Of course, where do I find this newspaper? Oh, that's right. FSU.

Onto more frivolous things, the chick with the fake leg got voted off Dancing With the Stars last night. You know, the one that took a bunch of Paul McCartney's money. Sorry, I mean, I'm glad she was on the show and all, but it seemed like all they ever talked about was her fake leg. The Associated Press had this to say about her, "She [Heather Mills] was the first contestant with an artificial limb to compete on the ABC dance-off." What? The first person to dance on Dancing With the Stars with an artifical leg!? I had no idea! I definitely thought that Drew had a robotic arm and Billy Ray a fake hip. Well, I can't say I'm sorry she was voted off. I wasn't a huge fan. I can only take so much of PETA people. Personally, I'm going for Apollo.

How do I loathe thee, Bill? Give me a diet pepsi and I shall not count the ways...

2007-04-24T11:27:00.000-05:00

Today was book sell-back day for me. For those of you who are not familiar with the U.S. university policy of book buy-back, let me explain it for you.

1. At the beginning of the semester, professors give you a list of textbooks that you must purchase for their class. These textbooks usually are not used for anything but taking up backpack space and the occasional paperweight, but they are essential for answering answers 3, 17, 25, and 47 of your 50-question multiple-choice test and therefore must be had.

2. You go to the bookstore and spend an exorbitant, unfair amount on these books. Having the cheaper 6th edition of your international affairs textbook is of no use to you. Only the $150 7th edition will do.

3. At the end of the semester you are allowed to go back to the bookstore and "sell" your books back. You are basically getting the amount you would get if you sold the book to a recycling center for the paper. They buy your book back for $20 dollars and then sell it for $90. Great deal for them. But there are very few other options.

So, today I took my 3 textbooks and got a whopping total of $17 for them. That's lunch for Jenna and me at One Stirfry. At least I didn't have to pay for them in the first place. I was just thinking to myself how much I hate Bill's Bookstore when my little cashier person said, "There's candy up on the counter for you. And you get a free drink. Mountain Dew, Pepsi, or Diet Pepsi?"

Suddenly, my hatred of Bill's dissolved into nothing. How sweet are they? They're giving me a free drink. My head tried to argue.

Free drink my foot. They just made probably $75 dollars off of you. It's like someone giving you the CD player out of the new car you just gave them.

You have tootsie rolls!? And the vanilla ones. My favorite.

Go ahead. Give them your Polish history book for $1.50. You just bought $1.50 worth of bluebooks this morning. They haven't lost anything. Except their souls. Those punks.

I'll definitely be shopping at Bill's in the fall.

Somehow my italicized conscience was overcome by the diet pepsi in my hand. It's sitting in the fridge at work. That thing made my day. I can do nothing but praise Bill's marketing skills. That is until the fall when I curse them again. They'd better keep those pepsis stocked.

The Ballad of the Bunkbed

2007-04-17T23:29:00.000-05:00

Okay, so last night I was memorizing Russian articles about this guy who bit a police officer because his pitbull couldn't do the job for him. It was about 3 o'clock when I finally climbed into the top bunk of my bed. My alarm clock was set to go off at 6:45 right at the end of my bed. It couldn't take the pressure, though and attempted to commit suicide by diving off the edge of my headboard. Instead, it landed safely on a pillow on the bottom bunk.

Now:

I had two options. A) I could simply climb off the bunkbed, grab the phone and go back to sleep or 2) I could attempt an elaborate display of acrobatics, grab the phone from my top bunk, and never have to leave the comfort of my bed. Guess which one I chose.

Notice exhibit A and the calm before the storm. Nothing but thoughts of Cardiff, Enya and the Brecon Beacons there.

Notice as my suicidal cell leaps off the top of my bunk.

I reach for it, but to no avail. It's time for drastic measures.

In a moment of pure glory, I decide that the best course of action is to pull my right hand off the railing and place both of my hands on the bottom bunk, leaving me no hands to pull myself back up with. This is brilliant. The phone will never expect it.

At least I have been able to get to my phone. I throw it back onto the bed, but it flies over the back edge and crashes to the floor. I wait for about 5 minutes to see if help will arrive. And then I remember, "It is 3 a.m. All the inteligent people are asleep. Bleen." So I realize that the only way to get down is either to fall straight down on my face or atempt to flip over. I'm a fan of my face, so I opt for the latter.

I attempt a daring back-flip type maneuver...

And land on the ground. And there's the alarm...

Pam and Jim's Best Pranks from Season I

2007-04-16T21:31:00.000-05:00

A Farewell to Chemistry Lab

2007-04-12T12:34:00.000-05:00

Today was Jenshka and I's last day of Chemistry Lab. To celebrate we went to 1 Stirfry. Or maybe we just went there because we go there every Thursday...regardless, there was some serious celebrating going on. I have taken some useless classes in my day- Positive Living, Liberal Arts Math, Freshman Comp - but this one beats all. I would like to share with you all the things I learned and did not learn from Chem Lab 1020:

Things I did not learn from Chem Lab 1020:

Interactions of matter
The molecular structure of compounds
The First Law of Thermodynamics
Reaction Equations
What water is made from
The names of the elements
What is an atom
What is a molecule
How to identify protons, neutrons or electrons
The states of matter
Anything that might be useful on Jeopardy

Things I did learn from Chemistry Lab

Some chemicals show different colors on a spectrograph. This probably means something.
Silly putty is stretchy.
Food coloring can stain your hands. Red more than others.
Some places in the world get acid rain. This probably means there's pollution in the world or maybe it has something to do with the Ozone layer.
If you put a glass plate on a burner it will break.
You should always wear closed toed shoes in the lab. A skittle may fall on your foot.
Candy can be used to represent radioactive materials. It is a great match because it has nothing in common with radioactive materials. You can pretend it does and then you don't get widespread carnage and death when you accidentally fling it across the room.
Our chemistry lab TA was seriously hot. Jenna agrees.

If they asked me to do a blurb for the FSU Chemistry Quarterly, I would be happy to oblige.

~~~I am so glad that Chemistry Lab was one of my required courses at FSU. I feel that it really helped me understand my major of international affairs much better. Besides the fact that I took Chemistry 3 years ago at TCC and only had to take this lab so that they would hand over my diploma it was right before Extinct Anthropodal Biology and right after Intermediate Norweigan II on my list of priorities. So it was up there. I think my favorite chemistry experiment was when we shook skittles in a bag for 10 minutes to see how long it took for the "S" to rub off. That was a great one.~~~

Happy Easter

2007-04-08T00:36:00.000-05:00

Here is love, vast as the ocean
Lovingkindness as the flood
When the Prince of Life, our Ransom
Shed for us His precious blood
Who His love will not remember?
Who can cease to sing His praise?
He can never be forgotten
Throughout Heav'n's eternal days

On the mount of crucifixion
Fountains opened deep and wide
Through the floodgates of God's mercy
Flowed a vast a gracious tide
Grace and love, like mighty rivers
Poured incessant from above
And Heav'n's peace and perfect justice
Kissed a guilty world in love

William Rees

“For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!" Romans 5:10

"My The Cheat Wants to Know What Kind of Crappy Toy You Have Today"

2007-04-04T11:31:00.000-05:00

Today would be one of those days when they would be out of the blue ones.

To my two faithful fans, I am sorry for the lack of blogging going on. In an effort to push all blame from myself, I will say that Blogger has been incredibly aggravating lately, and the past couple of times I've been inspired to write a post, I get some crap about needing to create an account. But, today is a good day and evidently they saw fit to let me post.

Today is April 4th. Besides being Senegal Independence Day, it also happens to be Lori and I's shared birthday. Lori was born on the 3rd and I on the 5th, so today is the traditional date that we celebrate each other's birthdays. Normally this includes ingesting large amounts of seafood, but, alas, my friend lives in a place where fish are likely to have two heads, so seafood is not the best option. However, stars are fortunately unaffected by nuclear disasters, so tonight me and Lori are going stargazing. And we will be able to see the same stars. This will spark some sappy nostalgic memory of watching Fivel when we were kids and busting out into the "Somewhere Out There" song, but I will make sure no one hears me and no one knows that song in Ukraine anyway.

Okay, moving on. People, I have an incredible announcement to make. I am only one episode behind on LOST. I am learning that someone on that show must really hate Tallahassee. I have my theories on who this "man from Tallahassee" is, but regardless, they say his name so ominously you have to think he's bad. Poor Tallahassee. What did it ever do to anyone? It's so much more than stripmalls and Wafflehouses. One of the writers probably dated someone from here. And she broke his heart.

Well, I am going to go heat up some lunch. Happy Birthday to us, Lori. May is almost tomorrow.

Happy Shandra is Awesome Day!!!!

2007-03-11T00:15:00.000-05:00

I love you, Shandra! I miss you lots!!!

Enter the View

2007-03-01T01:43:00.000-05:00

Jenna: Tell me when what I say is going to be written down, because I like to know these things.

Calyn: Okay. Hey Jenna, how do you feel about Justin Timberlake? (listening to Justin Timberlake.)

J: Is what I say being written down?

C: It's not being written.

J: I'm going to be completely honest, when his songs come on the radio, I say "yea." Once an N'Sync fan, always an N'Sync fan. Where are the measuring spoons in this house? Where's the baking soda?

C: You know, it's never anybody's birthday on facebook that I know. It's all the people that, you know, I met once on a retreat somewhere and I've never talked to again. Tomorrow's my mom's birthday. But she's not on facebook.

J: I've got "Bringing Sexy Back" in my head. You've gotta do something about this.

C: Shhh, Kenley hates that song. He thought he brought sexy back. I drank a lot of coffee today.

J: Why are you so tired then?

C: I don't know. I think coffee might have a negative effect on me. Like, do you ever drink coffee and feel tired?

J: No.

C: Oh. Well, neither do I...

J: Ahhh! I just got imitation vanilla on me!

C: Why isn't it white?

J: Okay, you obviously never cook.

C: Jenna, why bake cookies when you can buy break & bake in the freezer section?

J: Because these are so much better and I like making them.

C: sigh. How come Diane doesn't have any CD's so I can burn one?

J: She has a flash drive.

C: How do you use a floppy disk? The movie's over. I can't get up.

J: Me neither.

C: What's your excuse? I've got two busted up knees.

J: I'm really, really comfortable.

C: It's 1:31, Jenna.

J: I know. I'm really tired. I wanna go home but I'm really tired. You know all those times we talk about teleporting? Yeah, that'd be good right now. Except that if we had a limited number, I wouldn't want to use this as one of my good ones.

C: Lori was just talking to me about that.

J: She deserves teleporting more than I do.

C: That's a sweet sacrifice.

J: That doesn't mean she gets it.

C: You know, I haven't been geography...been to geography in like 3 weeks.

J: I've never been geography? Me neither.

C: It's late, Jenna. I hope I'm not missing anything important.

J: I didn't go to geography for a long time, but then I got a C. Don't follow in my footsteps young Padowan.

C: Is that from from Starwars? How do you spell that?

J: I don't know, but David will kill you if it's not spelled right.

C: I don't really care. I can take him.

J: Refering to my light fixture. Is that the same light cover that almost killed you when it fell?

C: Um, no, that one broke.

J: Yes, I know, but it looks the same. Oh my gosh, I think I just put my foot in icecream! Oh crap, I did.

C: Better icecream than a George Foreman.

J: Eeeewww, this is icky. We need to get this off the blanket.

C: I can't get up. I'm handicapped.

J: You're handi-Calyn. Bahahahaha. I don't even know what that means.

C: It's not even funny.

J: I know. Then why are we laughing so hard?

C: Okay, nobody can do anything fun tomorrow because I have to study.

J: Well, we probably won't because David's got Navigators so you know he'll be a bum.

C: No, he'll probably hit someone's car...

J: And I mean that in the best possible way.

C: Exactly...sorry, David. We need to end this interview.

J: Sounds like a good ending to me.

Quote O' the Day

2007-02-24T15:38:00.000-05:00

Me: (Showing Cameron the tray I painted with a big sunflower on it.) See? Do you like it?

Cameron: Oh, is that a potato?

Mom: We have F-CAT next week...

Team Shroom is Victorious!

2007-02-03T00:38:00.000-05:00

Some of you remember a college trip long, long ago when "Team Shroom" was born. The setting was a cabin in North Carolina...or Tennessee...somewhere...and we were all playing Cranium. The team members were me, Alex Cherukara, James Morrow and our number one fan, Lori Jackson. As is customary, Lori was not actually playing but she was offering her full support as our innocent bystander. (Although, I have heard that Lori does play games when she is in the Eastern Hemisphere. I have not actually seen this in action, but I hear it happens on occassion.) The card commanded Alex to construct a mushroom. And out of the purple clay, Team Shroom was born.

Fastforward four years. To "The Overture of a very Rigid Match." The setting is Kenley's "premium" living room. (Where else would we be?) The game is Scene It and Team Shroom was reconstructed, minus one very key member. But it was for Lori that we played for, for Lori that we dedicated the game to. We were the "pitied" team. The underdog. A key tie was lost when the breaker was "the team with a member of the smallest shoe size." Where was Lori in our time of need? Whose small feet would have won us the victory? Hope was not all lost. After stopping Diane, Lerah and Dean's team in the final cut, Team Shroom achieved victory! And we dedicate our victory to our absent team member, Lori. You were missed.

"Tattooed"

2007-01-29T13:43:00.000-05:00

This weekend I got the awesome privilege to go Mark and Jenn's church in Milton and help with their Disciple Now. It was incredible! The theme was "tattooed" and we talked about being "marked" for Christ and the verses in Leviticus (yes, people still read that book. It still has good stuff to say. :0) and I Peter where it talks about "being holy because God is holy."

Me and Becca

Brandon is very photogenic. :0)

Brandon and Brittany

Emma and Becca

Taylor and Sam

Kathy and Brandon

Me and Ashley

The whole gang. :0)

That night, after eating tacos, we watched the first session of Louie Giglio's "Tattooed" series and it was great. He talked about being marked by Christ and we talked about in Galatians, when the Jews and Gentiles were arguing over whether Gentile Christians should have to obey the law and how now, the calling is even higher. We went from a series of external rules, to internal "holiness." (Be holy because I am holy.) The latter is much more difficult. I can't really explain it all because I'm not good at that kind of thing, but it's Louie Giglio, so you know it's good.

The girls and Becca (a youth worker from a church in Bagdad, Florida) and I went to a host home and had some discussion time and we designed our own "tattoos" and talked about what we would have if we got one.

The next night Brent came over and I haven't seen him in about 3 years so that was fun. He was on me, Mark and Nick's team the first year we all went to Ukraine. We all just talked and played random love songs on my laptop and stayed up really late. Oh, and we all put on fake tattoos, which was super great.

Me, Brent and Nick in the background.

My amazing, upside-down, pink ninja tattoo

Oops, Brent blinked.

That's better. :0)

So Sunday morning me and Nick Jones spoke in church and that went really well. I thought people were pretty responsive and the youth shared what they learned and that was good. Then Mark and Jenn took us to lunch at Ruby Tuesdays and I headed home. I miss all of y'all!

The Koloring Klub's new branch

2007-01-21T02:04:00.000-05:00

Let it be known that Kenley's Koloring Klub has founded a new branch in the northwest vicinity of Tallahassee. The new branch has a wide variety of koloring books featuring today's up and koming artists. There is even a "Kreatures of the Sea" section. While krayon kolors are kurrently limited, a new 96 pack is in the works and should be arriving sometime next week. Jenna Myrick has surveyed the new klub and some of her artwork is being featured this kwarter.

"I think the new winter kollection is going to look really great. It's something we kan all look forward to. The limited kolors may be an obstacle to some, but to me the options are limitless. I think you will all appreciate the new techniques I've employed." -Jenna Myrick, featured koloring artist

Our Winter Lineup:

A Questionaire

2007-01-17T14:08:00.000-05:00

1. What is your occupation? Slave to Florida State University

2. What color are your socks right now?

Not surprisingly I am not wearing any, but I don't own any white socks. Mine are all multi-colored. No one sees your socks anyway. Might as well jazz it up.

3. What are you listening to right now?

the opera of my cat (he's not very good) and the old easter musical from a couple years ago

4. What was the last thing that you ate? some cherry tomatoes.

5. Can you drive a stick shift? Well, sorta. I learned to drive stick on Linda Wyman's car in Sarah's neighborhood and as we're driving down a hill, linda says, "Oh, the brakes don't really work, by the way." They didn't. It was the scariest thing ever. We slid through like, 3 stopsigns. Fortunately no one was coming.

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? I love macaroni and cheese and robin's egg blue. Those are from the Crayola 96 pack.

7. Last person you spoke to on the phone? I don't know if "spoke to" would be the right term. My mom handed me the phone while my grandma was babbling about nonsense and I chased her over the house trying to give it back.

8. Do you like the People who sent this to you? Of course. Except when they try to pay for things that are not theirs to pay for. Especially when they leave it hidden behind fictional movie characters.

9. How old are you today?

I had to think about this. I'm 21. I keep thinking I'm 22, because the only time I hear reference to my age is when people say, "Calyn, you're going to be 22 this year." So I keep thinking I'm already 22.

10. Favorite drink? Diet Pepsi vanilla. It is so good.

11. What is your favorite sport to watch? college football, hands down.

12. Have you ever dyed your hair?

Yes, but it turned out pretty much the same color. I guess it's just meant to be red.

13. Pets? Unfortunately. 2 cats and a dog. The dog I'm good with, one of the cats, okay, but the other one, well, let's just say I won't cry at his funeral.

14. Favorite food? Mint chocolate chip icecream.

15. What was the last movie you watched? the Patriot with Lerah.

16. Favorite day of the year? I love St. Patrick's day. You get to wear green and green is just an all around great color, and the Shamrock run in Tallahassee is that day, and I love all things Ireland. I really like easter too, because I was always in easter musicals that day and that was fun.

17. How do you vent anger? I call Lori, and/or go running

18. What was your favorite toy as a child? Uh...my brother, probably, no, probably this game we had called "scram ball." When your mom babysits like, 13 kids in the summer, group games are a lot of fun.

19. What is your favorite, fall or spring? Fall. Football season starts.

27. Top 3 favorite movies? Shawshank redemption, Lord of the rings, X-men (technically that's 7, but whatever.)

28.Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending this to? Loritchka

29. What did you do last night? Haha, played monopoly with Kenley, Tori and Diane (I WON!) and colored in coloring books and then scanned the pictures with Kenley because his refrigerator was getting too full and put them on facebook. We are pathetic. But oh, so cool.

30. Favorite scents?

Christmas in general is a good smell. I like peppermint too.

31. What inspires you?

When people talk about things God is doing that I can take part in.

32. What are you afraid of? Failure. I'm still wondering what my boggart would look like in Professor Lupin's class with that one. Oh, and most definitely aliens.

There's some more, but I'm kinda bored now. I'll have to think of better questions.

33. If you had to have dinner with Dennis Rodman or Barry Bonds, who would you pick?

Probably Dennis Rodman. We could go somewhere really fancy and he could wear a nice dress.

34. How did the chicken cross the road?

'

I, for one, have never actually seen a chicken crossing the road, so I don't know that I necessarily believe that chickens do in fact, cross roads. How do we know the chicken ever made it?

35. How old are you before it can be said you died of old age?

I would say, like, 74. Old enough where you have to have one of those little pill-holder things.

36. If you have a cold hot pocket, is it just a pocket?

I would say, yes.

37. How come people tell you not to stand in front of an emergency exit when if there was an emergency surely you would run through it?

I have often wondered this. It’s probably because they want to be the first one out.

38. If an African elephant comes to America, is it an African-American elephant?

Only if it was born in America. If it is from Africa, it is still an African citizen. Once it gets its citizenship and passes its test, then it will be an African-American elephant.

39. Do people who use sign language see little hands in their head when they think about what somebody said, or do they hear the words in their head?

This is a great question. I do not know.

40. If a king is gay and marries another guy what is that guy to the royal family?

A scandal

41. If you were stuck on a desert island, what three things would you bring with you?

A yacht, a GPS phone, and a fishing pole

Sweet Reunion

2007-01-09T22:54:00.000-05:00

This weekend was pretty much the best ever. Veronica and Olya flew in from Kyiv for the Passion conference and they hitched a ride with Jake and Taylor down to Tallahassee. To say we had a good time would hardly do the weekend justice. Carli came up from Orlando and we filled the weekend with lasagna-eating, dance partying, karaoke, scavenger hunts, running through the rain, singing to Jesus, watching old-school photo slide shows on Jake's mac, echillada scarfing, chicken fighting, roadtrips, walmart runs, and sad goodbyes.

Our shout-out to DePek! Derek, there are 16 candles and a tea cup, just for you!

Me and Jenshka hanging out at Kenley's. Kenley put us all up for the weekend, all 11 of us. PPPPASIBAAAAA, KENLEY!!!

Carli is too cool for her own good. She could kill you with those eyes if it weren't for the safety feature on the lens.

Mmmmm, worship time with Jake and Taylor. Why can't we do this every day?

Awww, Alec and Kenley sitting still long enough for me to take a picture.

We went to Walmart to get stuff for a picnic in the Capitol building. It was pouring rain the whole weekend, but we still managed to get a picnic in. Olya found this amazing cheese with a pirate on it and we thought immediately of our Johnny Depp look-a-like friend, Oleg Magdych. Nice find, Olya.

This is us at the top of the Capitol building. We were behaving ourselves at this moment. Seems to me this was before the chicken fights started.
Lori and Veronica by the 22-story lookout. It is pretty sweet, if you've never been there.

Olya and Veronica got a hold of my camera and took about 20 pictures. I'll just put one. ;0)

I took the girls to the best store in Tallahassee- The Country Dollar. It is amazing.
We are hot.

I need some hata-blocka's, Carli!

Me and Loritchka drove the ladies up to Atlanta and we stayed at my Uncle and Aunt's house. Veronica freaked when she saw my Aunt's "Gone With the Wind" collection. She cracks me up.
Veronica while we were talking to Jake and Tay-Tay one last time.

Me and Lori- sleep deprived, but photogenic as always.

Me and Veronica in the airport.

One last hurrah at the Atlanta airport. We're getting devoured by the dinosaur. Is that your dragon??? :0)

Mark Twain said, "Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with." I am glad I get to share my joy with you all. I am truly blessed with friends I hardly deserve. Ya Vas LYUBLYU!

2006-12-31T19:13:00.000-05:00

Всем на Украине- С НОВЫМ ГОДОМ!!!

Sirius-ly, guys...

2006-12-30T22:00:00.001-05:00

Sirius Black has been successfully saved by Harry and Hermione. Lerah and I are quite relieved. It seems that Hippogriffs come in quite handy in tight spots. I think I need one of those. Birthday mental note- fantasy animals are a plus.

Lerah has just stated that she needs to make a trip to the Country Dollar. For those of you not familiar with the Country Dollar, it is the best store in Tallahassee. All of their amazing jewelry is one dollar. And I'm not talking, like, cheap, nasty jewelry, I'm talking like, at least $7 at Claire's. It's the best. It's off Lafayette Street across from the Governor's Square Mall. ;0)

There is not much breaking news to report over here. Of course, "breaking news" is rather relative in this household. When I mentioned Saddam Hussein being executed yesterday Kenley's reply was, "We caught Saddam Hussein?" He's a little behind on the times. But he can sell a house so he has that going for him.

My last day at Kirkland's is tomorrow. No one has taken advantage of my 20% discount except for Mrs. Linda Stringer. Last call, peoples. All Christmas is 75% off...

Speaking of which, all of our lovely Christmas decorations at Kenley's house are put away for next year. Christmas goes by way too fast. But at least we have our $25 prize to spend at Taco Bell. But I think we're waiting to go until David can eat with us. We might be waiting a while...Hopefully Taco Bell will not have gone under by then. Poor Taco Bell. They still have some loyal customers. Chives or no chives.

Well, Lerah is calling to watch the Goblet of Fire for our Harry Marathon. 5 days until Veronica, Olya, Jake and Taylor come! Ypa!

Чебурашка ненавидит Нирвану.

2006-12-27T01:21:00.000-05:00

Me, Jenna and Sarah are having a guitar hero jam session over at my place. We pretty much rock. Cheburashka, who makes his home on top of my television holding his sunflower and Canadian flag (my tribute to Leo) loves it when we play Van Halen and Kansas, but evidently he does not like Nirvana as he fell off the top of my TV and toppled to the floor as soon as it started playing. Maybe he would prefer some Kino and Pyatnitsa.

Merry Christmas, Everyone!

2006-12-25T01:47:00.001-05:00

Congratulations! 3rd Place!

2006-12-19T14:33:00.000-05:00

First off, I would like to give a big round of applause to those of us who decorated Kenley's house for the neighborhood contest. We won third place!!! (Come drive by if you haven’t seen it- Cumberland Road off Hartsfield.)

For those of you who are not Tallahassee natives, or you do not spend more than 3 days a week with The Group, you may not know about the significance of Kenley's house. Kenley, seemingly, bought his house so that we all could use it. If this is not the reason he bought his house he has fooled us all. The garage code is given out freely, extra keys have been made, breakfast food is always stocked, the refrigerator is for public use (often with other people's food and diet pepsi vanillasburied inside), air matresses are left inflated in the second room and the mantle is reserved for our various art projects, currently a bunch of gingerbread houses. It's all of the benefits with none of the rent. :0) Thanks, Kenley!

That being said, it is already the sixth day of Christmas and I am terribly behind. Jenna said I did this last year.

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

Six geese a-laying

Five GOLDEN RINGS!

Four calling birds

Three French hens

Two turtle doves

And a partrige in a pear tree.

And call mine and Jenna's voicemails for more Christmas cheer.

On the second day of Christmas

2006-12-15T00:05:00.000-05:00

My true love gave to me:

2 turtle doves

and a partridge in a pear tree.

Now, I'm just wondering, if my true love gives me a partridge in a pear tree every single day, that's a lot of pears and a lot of partridges. I don't know if I want him spending that much money on me. I'd rather go on a cruise.

Or, I would take Carli on a cruise because IT'S HER BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Someone stole two baby Jesus' out of the nativities on display at our store today. It's a sick world we live in. Sick. Who steals baby Jesus out of the manger? What the crap are you gonna do with him? I couldn't live with that kind of guilt. If it was you, and you know who you are, return the baby Jesus'. I mean, that's gotta be one of the seven deadly sins or something.

On the first day of Christmas...

2006-12-14T02:19:00.000-05:00

...my true love gave to me:

a Partridge in a Pear Tree.

I don't know if that would really thrill me that much. I'd be happy with some flowers or a nice set of steak knives. I don't even like pears.

Today I:

climbed a tree

ate Mexican and Japanese food.

rocked out to the Power Rangers theme song.

said goodbye to Carli

beat my friends at Rummikub

had Jenna save a table

pondered the significance of the numbers 4, 8, 15, 16, 23 and 42

talked to a CEO

and went pearl diving.

It was a good day.

Extreme Makeover- Gingerbread Edition

2006-12-12T21:06:00.000-05:00

So I learned something new tonight. People make gingerbread houses out of gingerbread. This was news to me, as I've always constructed my gingerbread houses out of graham crackers and frosting. I have been informed, however, that gingerbread is the best way to build a gingerbread house. Who would have thought? I will eventually prove this wrong, though.

My first real memory of gingerbread house making was when I was about 5 at my friend Jennifer's house. I don't remember the details of that baking day, but I'm sure my gingerbread/graham cracker house was not anything worth mentioning.
At Sarah Evere...Egger's birthday party one year we had a gingerbread house making contest. Alec's was definitely the most awesome. He made the whitehouse.

Uh...yeah, it looked something like this.

Anyway, to bring in the Christmas cheer this evening we decided to have a gingerbread house party tonight. I'll post our amazing results.

Us working super hard on our houses

Carli made an amazing mobile home, complete with John Deer green pickup.

Alex quotes of the evening:

"No, you have to do this." -Diane Ashburn
"Wait, but I don't want to do any work." -Alex Cherukara

"We need some 2 X 4's and a drill gun." -Alex

"We're going to have these nice, alternative circular windows. Wait, by alternative I'm not suggesting that this house participates in an alternative lifestyle or anything."

"We don't build houses out of cookies in Norway." - Alex

My house.

Jenna's house.

Poor David and Alex's house collapsed on top of one of their occupants. Poor Mr. Gingerbread.

David and Alex's house was the only one whose house did not stay standing. This proves that graham crackers make the better building materials. You can see the parade of homes on display at Kenley's house from now until December 23rd. Contact Diane Ashburn for details. Merry Christmas!

Happy Birthday, Taylor!

2006-12-06T01:08:00.000-05:00

If I had one steak left, I would share it with you. I love you! Happy Birthday!

Only 20 Days Until Christmas!

2006-12-05T14:38:00.000-05:00

Lori is home, everybody. Well, she is in Tallahassee. That is so exciting. I got to drive up to Atlanta with Mr. Tony and Mrs. Cheryl to pick her up at the airport. That is always loads of fun. Me and Mrs. Cheryl dominated the CD player the whole time. Poor Mr. Tony never got to listen to his Creedence. Mrs. Cheryl said, "Calyn, you have such good taste in music." I just said, "No, Mrs. Cheryl, I just have your taste in music." I ate at my first "Huddle House." Not necessarily something I'd repeat for fun, but I can say that I've done it.

I had a huge Dr. Pepper waiting for Lori as soon as she got off the plane. We've had a great time Christmas shopping this week and hanging out and catching up. Of course, I've only been Lori-less for a month, whereas most of you people have been Lori-less for about 11, and I don't know how you make it.

I'm staying with Josh and Melinda Cable this week and we're having a super great time. Mrs. Laura is a very smart woman to leave us no-oven-required meals, although somehow I'm sure I will end up messing those up as well. I didn't even know you could make lasagna in the microwave! Amazing. I'm staying as far away from their refrigerator as possible. (*See May's blog posts for reasons why.) Really anything that uses water I'm trying to stay away from.

Well, I will leave you with my two quotes of the week.

"I knew something was going on with Jan and Howard! I knew they were having an affair!" -My Mom
"You mean both of them?" -Cameron

"We have nuts. And Fig Newtons." -Kenley

I Am Going to Pick Up Lori!

2006-12-01T12:23:00.001-05:00

It's Not All Fun and Games

2006-11-30T11:22:00.000-05:00

The gang has developed a renewed love for old-school games recently. Diane and Kenley went out and bought Pictionary, Life and Monopoly at Walmart the other day for $8 a piece. With a price like that, they couldn't pass them up. It's interesting to see how individual personalities shine while playing a game like monopoly. Remember those personality tests you can take that rate you "I," "D," "C," or "S?" Those are no longer necessary. Just sit down and play a game and you will have all the information you need.

I walked in the other evening and watched the game unfold. Lerah was ready to let everyone manage her properties and money for her, whining when she landed on Park Place and just handing hotel owners handfuls of money to have them count it for her. James was glum and morose, having lost all of his money and most of his properties just wanting to quit and go home. Diane was doing fairly well, staying in the business, not making to huge of a splash, cranking out a quiet living for herself owning some choice properties. In the end, though, it was Kenley who, not surprisingly, defeated them all, although not without offering them comfortable, happy retirement plans and promising not to leave them in poverty. Kenley had his hands into every person’s game, owning 15% of this property, offering low brokerage fees to this player, giving out loans for low interest, sharing in the profits of hotels for others. Kenley was the boss of every player in some way.

We can learn two things from this story: 1) Kenley is most definitely in the right business. Real Estate is his fit for sure, and 2) Play the game of Life if you actually want to beat him. You will never win at Monopoly.

Note To Self:

2006-11-26T19:18:00.000-05:00

When computer asks, "Do you want Windows to save this password?" click NO. Bce. Who knows when Wallers and Wirgaus might be in town to hack into your computer. It's a dangerous world out there, people. Only you can prevent identity theft. Smokey the Bear said that, I think.

2006-11-25T23:53:00.000-05:00

Hi everybody! I just wanted to take a little moment and share just what has been on my heart lately. With Thanksgiving time here and just thinking about what I have been thankful for I have not been able to get three of my favorite people in the whole world off of my mind. I just want to write a post about Sarah, Jenna, and Alec and what I love about them. I just love them so so so so so so so much and I want to sing a song to express my feelings........
(to any tune you so desire)
I am singing a song
singing a song
I love Alec, Jenna, and Sarah so much
I love them I love them and I don't care who knows
because I love them so much!!!!
I want to run in fields of daisys
and glide down slip n slides like a champion
I love them I love them I love them
I want to brush my hair out of love
I want to go to the mall and skip through out the stores
I love them I love them I love them

man, I just feel better getting that off of my chest.

Now I want to write a letter to each of them

Jenna - you are my hero. I wish I had dance moves like you. Thank you for all of the times that you have plucked my eyebrows for me and combed my armpit hairs. You have always been there for me. You are my partner in crime (but don't tell anyone). I can tell you anything and I know that my secret is safe with you.

Alec - I love your hott butt. I can not take my eyes off of it. I have been wanting to tell you this for a long time but have not been able to get up the courage to tell you until now. Thanksgiving has given me the strength to share these things that have been on my mind for so long. I would even watch E.T. for you but only if you were there with me holding my hand. When I think of you and me a song comes to mind and I think I will share it with you now...
I love you
you love me
we're a happy family
with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you (hold this note out as long as possible)
won't you say you love me too

Sarah - I wish we were siamese twins so that I would never be able to leave you side. I would love to be physically connected to you since my heart is already yours. I would buy you a million buttercups if it would truly express my appreciation for you. I wish you could draw gardens on my back every day and suns too but they would only be allowed to have sunglasses. I would give you all of my gummy worms and would dance in the middle of a crowded supermarket if you asked me too.

Oh man, don't judge me for this post I just really needed to be honest and wanted the people who I love most in this world to know how I feel about them.

I am thinking about ...

2006-11-20T13:30:00.000-05:00

putting my Christmas tree up today. Or at least making a spot for it in my room. Mmm, I love Christmas.

Quote o' the Day

2006-11-19T02:25:00.000-05:00

"So, how are you ladies doing this evening?" -Cashier at Walmart

"Um, you know, I'm just not going to answer that." -Mom

"Oh, it can't be that bad." -Cashier at Walmart

[Very Long Pause.]

"Yes it can." -Me