Spending Most My Life in a Beanpole Paradise

I'm going camping this weekend. Camping at the beach. This means 3 things: 1) Sunburn, 2) Sunburn, and 3) I need to buy a new bathing suit. I haven't bought a new bathing suit in probably 5 years. I haven't bought new tennis shoes in about 5 years either, but this is different. When I tell people I haven't replaced my amazing New Balance tennis shoes they say, "Oh, well they definitely don't look that old," or, "Oh, they're in such good shape, though." (The tennis shoes, not me.) But when I say "I haven't bought a new bathing suit in 5 years," everyone looks up at the ceiling, twiddles their thumbs and crickets can be heard chirping in the background. I took that to mean it was time to brave the department stores and get ready to join the masses screaming and crying in the dressing rooms. (It's true. Grown women, bursting into tears in the dressing rooms of the swimsuit department. You laugh, but it's true...)

I made my way over to the Tallahassee mall and was unsuccessful at Goody's and Oshman's. Then it was over to Dillard's where I had wild success, but could not justify paying $100 for a swimsuit. The thought that I could send 20 more Bibles to China this month with that was too much. So in a last ditch effort, I trekked over to Target.

It was paradise. Bathing suits everywhere. All different colors and styles. And only about 50% were the slutty ones, so I had a good chance of finding a decent one. And then, as I made my through the first rack, panic set it. They were all smalls. All of them. No mediums, no larges, no extra-larges... I watched the little Mary Kates and Ashleys blissfully grab handfuls to take to the dressing rooms. It was beanpole paradise. I walked dejected through the aisles. And then a thought hit me. I left the light bulb over my head in the dust and went to the return rack outside the dressing room. There, shining in all their glory, were 3 mediums! My search was over. I only screamed for a second and happily went to the checkout.

Quote o' the Day:

"Yeah, I dropped it like it was hot, but then I couldn't pick it back up." -Selena