Well, it’s about 1:00 in the morning and Lori and I are still awake. Lori had a headache earlier and took some Excedrin. This is always amusing because Lori goes a little loopy every time she takes Excedrin. And when Lori’s loopy it’s always time for an interview.
And our thoughts start….now.

C: Hmm, whenever I think of her I always think of her working in the White House. And she’s carrying papers. Along a corridor with a bunch of portraits of dead people.

L: Yeah, I could see that.

C: (Pause.) You know, Lori, portraits weren’t always of dead people.

L: Yeah. Because they used to do them when people were alive. You know, they’d sit and have their portrait made.

C: I know. I just mean that like, back in the day when people saw a portrait they didn’t automatically think it was a dead person. Because now when see them we assume they are dead. Which is usually the case.

L: Because we have photographs now.

C: Yeah, they’re much more accurate, I think. I mean, in the old days if somebody had a big nose they’d just slip the artiste a couple of D.P.’s and he’d do a reduction.

L: They really did that, you know.

C: Yeah, but that’s stupid because then when their friends came over, rather than admiring their nice portrait, the friend would automatically think, “Gee, Fleur’s nose eez a bit bigger zan zat.” They’d say it with a French accent because they were French.

L: But maybe they knew that after they died their portraits would be around long after they were dead. And they wanted us to think that they were pretty.

C: Yeah, but I would still rather have them paint me to look like me. I mean, me on a good day, not me on a bad face day. That wouldn’t be good. Lori, like, did my glamour shots pictures really not look like me?

L: No, it looked like you. Not like, you, but you could tell it was you. Not like, Yu, your friend, Yu either.

C: Right. Well, that’s good because that was really sad that day that [name has been withheld for privacy reasons] said to me, “Wow, Calyn, these are so pretty! It doesn’t look a thing like you!” It really hurt my feelings. I mean, I know all that make-up they plastered on me kinda me look like a prostitute, but I mean, it didn’t look that different.

L: Yeah, you looked like you as a prostitute. Not Jane Doe as one.

C: Well, that is encouraging.

L: I think I have too much caffeine in my system. Why do we say that fans oscillate?

C: I don’t know. Hey, we saw a flux capacitor today in some Tree-Hugging magazine that Oleg Vasilevsky brought back from the States for Roma. I’m not really sure why he brought that magazine for him. But it had a flux capacitor. We saw it.

L: Yup, we did.

C: They could have said something good about the flux capacitor, though. I mean, the article was some…Lori, what’s another word for crap? I probably shouldn’t put that in a blog post.

L: Junk, mess.

C: Huh. Wow. Okay, well the article was about some junk about how we use too much energy to drive vehicles and how even Dr. Brown’s time machine used up plutonium. I mean, really. With a picture of the flux capacitor on the article I thought it was going to be good. Apparently we need to send it to Daniel Northrup. Lori, are you sleeping? Do you have anything to say?

L: Interviews make me miss Jake and Taylor.

C: Well, way to put a damper on the evening, Lori. Lori?

L: Sorry. When it’s gone, it’s gone. I’ve got nothing.

C: Okay then. Well, it’s after one and Lori’s over there turning into a pumpkin or something. She’s mumbling something about losing a shoe…I’m gonna go. Arrivederci!

This interview is dedicated to Jake, Taylor, Derek and Carli, our faithful interview fans.

Oh, and I'd still like some answers about the pigeon question.