Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

I don't know about y'all, but I love Chuck Norris jokes. I don't know why. I didn't even ever really watch anything with Chuck Norris in it. "Walker: Texas Ranger" came on after some show I used to watch back in the day, but I only saw it a couple times and I wasn't a huge fan. Of course, it was always obvious to me that only an idiot would try to take down Chuck Norris. So, on Alec's facebook profile he had a link to the top 100 facts for Chuck Norris. I think they're pretty awesome.



Here are some of them:


Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the crap down.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Noris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the crap he wants.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris once went on Celebrity Jeopardy and answered, "Who is Chuck Norris?" to every question. It was the first and only time in Jeopardy history that a contestant answered every single question right.

Water boils faster when Chuck Norris watches it.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Little kids enjoy lighting ants on fire with magnifying glasses. Chuck Norris enjoys lighting little kids on fire with ants. Scientists have yet to find out how this feat is achieved.

We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad Chuck Norris doesn't believe in magic.

Geico saved 15% by switching to Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has to sort his laundry into three loads: darks, whites, and bloodstains.

They say that lightning never strikes the same place twice. Niether does Chuck Norris. He doesn't have to.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. The only thing fear has to fear is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris ends every relationship with "It's not me, it's you".

Chuck Norris never gets brain freeze. Slurpees know when to back the crap off.

When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger.

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

Chuck Norris' cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.

The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type "Chuck Norris" into Google and hit "I'm Feeling Lucky!".

If at first you don't succeed, you are obviously not Chuck Norris.

Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and angrier.

In order to survive a nuclear attack, you must remember to stop, drop, and be Chuck Norris.

If you see Chuck Norris crying he will grant you a wish, if your wish is dying.

Whenever Chuck Norris's wife asks him nicely to do the dishes, he throws them in the garbage and tells her she looks fat.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee, breaking him in half. The result was Jet Li and Jackie Chan.

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's freakin' beef.

Chuck Norris was sending an email one day, when he realized that it would be faster to run.

Chuck Norris refers to himself in fourth person.

The phrase "Made by Chuck Norris" is imprinted beneath the surface of China.

It's no coincidence that the tattoo on Mike Tyson's face and the sole of Chuck Norris' boot share the same pattern.

Switzerland isn't really neutral. They just haven't figured out what side Chuck Norris is on yet.

When writing "Romeo & Juliet" Shakespeare originally thought about Chuck Norris to play Romeo but in the end this could not happen because no poison could kill Chuck Norris. Ever.

Chuck Norris doesn't give Christmas presents. If you live to see Christmas, that is your Christmas present from Chuck.

Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush.

Chuck Norris once fought a bear simply because it dared to grow more body hair than Chuck Norris.

Everyone has a skeleton in their closet. Chuck Norris has 7,483.

Heart disease may be the new leading cause of death in women age 45 to 65, but Chuck Norris is still the leading cause of death in men age 0 to 125.

The first lunar eclipse took place after Chuck Norris challenged the sun to a staring contest. Chuck Norris always wins.

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

Chuck Norris once had a near death experience. Needless to say, Death now refuses to come near him.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris thought up some of the funniest Chuck Norris facts ever, but he hasn't submitted them to the site because he doesn't believe in any form of submission.



Happy St. Patrick's Day, everyone! I brought four-leaf clover stickers to school to make sure all of my classmates had some green on. I think I saved a few from pinches. Walking over to Bellamy I met a group of people who were from the University of Florida that were on Spring Break and came up to help FSU's RUF (Presbyterian college group) for the week. Poor things. Not only were they from UF, some of them weren't wearing green. I gave them some stickers. My Russian teacher, Dmitri, didn't know you were supposed to wear green on St. Patrick's day. He asked us why you were supposed to. Can't say I really know. Maybe it's just because green is the best color ever and any excuse to wear it is a good one. Or maybe because clovers are green. That's probably more likely. Anyway, I'm going to the beach tomorrow and I'm excited about that. I'll probably come back burnt as toast, but it will be worth it. Arrivederci!