Maybe Mr. Paul said it best- "O-Scary"

Well, if you're like most Americans you had better things to do than watch the Academy Awards this past Sunday night- like watch reruns of I Love Lucy, feed your fish, or pluck your eyebrows. Being that most Americans never saw the vast majority of movies nominated, it was no surprise that ratings were at some of their lowest ever. So, seeing how most of you probably missed the glitter, glam and blatant narcissism of the Red Carpet this year, I thought that I would take a moment to fill you in on all the important fashion statements of the season.



To save time and money, J-Lo grabbed some vintage curtains out of her grandma's 2bed/1bath on the south side.



I don't know who Michelle Willams is, but apparently she likes bananas a lot. She brought her pet monkey to complete the outfit, but unfortunately it took to harrassing Peter Jackson too much. Apparently it missed its mother...and...well...



Heath Ledger looking the part of the "strong, silent type." I think there's been enough Brokeback jokes to last us a century, so I'll leave that to the pro's like David Letterman.




George Clooney was remarkably quiet on the red carpet. Apparently this wasn't his own doing but rather because none of the announcers could remember what movie he had been nominated for or if he had even made one this year so they took to avoiding him at all costs. Here a brave member of the paparazzi snaps a picture and runs away before George can ask him about what his favorite part of the movie was.



Ludacris, on the other hand, was happy to answer questions. Unfortunately, none of this made it past the CBS censors so we will never know what words of wisdom he chose to impart to us.



Jane Seymour in a Pamela Rolland gown...wait a minute? Jane Seymour? The only time I ever see her on T.V. is on PAX T.V.'s reruns of "Dr. Quinn- Medicine Woman." "How did she make it to the Oscars?" you may ask. Well, it seems Katie Holmes had a few extra tickets because she had to take Tom to an emergency therapy session after he wouldn't stop singing love songs to their ultrasound machine.



Diane Krueger wearing Elie Saab. Elie Saab is a famous baker. He specializes in wedding cakes.



Gary Busey going for the "Old Donald Trump" look. Apparently he was going to trim it before the Oscars but a pair of black-capped chickadees made a nest in it and he didn't want his PETA membership to get revoked.



Next year let's invite Tim Burton and his date to our 80's prom. I mean, that's straight out of '83.



Looks like Naomi Watts got in a fight with a blender before she arrived on the red carpet. Poor thing. At least she still had the guts to come.



Put a beak on that thing and Charlize Theron could have gone as a pirate. But, it seems there's a hole in the top of it to put drinks in. Keeps them cold for up to 8 hours. That's planning ahead.

So you see, you can get away with wearing almost anything in Hollywood. Of course the more popular approach is wearing almost nothing, but fortunately we were mostly spared this year. Come back next year! Arrivederci!