For Lori :0)

Okay, here's a very, very special interview for Lori. This is Calyn, Jenna, Carli, Trisha and... da da da, JAKE live on speaker phone from Texas!

Carli: what should our subject be?
Jake: Listen, I don't care. It doesn't matter, I'm the famous person who gets interviewed. Hold on, I'm gonna hit a truck. Whoa, that was close.
Calyn: Hold on! You gotta talk slower.
Carli: So just talk r-e-a-l s-l-o-w.
Jake: O-k-a-y. Ask me a question.
Carli: How was the wedding?
Jake: It was good, okay, listen. It was happy. I've never been to a wedding before and it was happy. So good. It makes me wanna get married now. It's a huge bucket of hope.
Calyn: Any prospects on getting married?
Jake: Well, there's Anna Kournakova. But she hasn't called me back.
Trisha: Who else?
Jake: I'm not givin' any names. Listen, I'm not getting married. God's wrath. The wedding was good. I drank some punch. I made roast beef hash. It was good.
Carli: We went to Applebees and made the most noise in a restaurant ever.
Jake: Could the restaurant hear me on the phone?
Carli: Yes.
Jake: Good. Good. Okay, so you know I work with horses?
All: yes.
Jake: Well, I'm freakin' scared of them now.
Carli: Why?
Jake: Cause I got freakin' nailed by one in UUUkraine. The horses are not normal in UUUkraine. "Did you go to Russia for your mission trip?" "NO! I went to UUUkraine!" "The Yukon?" "No, not the Yukon. UUUkraine."
Calyn: I'm getting eating alive by mosquitoes.
Jake: Why?
Carli: We're in the car becaus we were charging the phone, but now we don't need to charge it anymore, but we're still sitting out here beause we're lazy.
Trisha: We're eating stale crackers.
Jake: Man, stale crackers were a hot item at camp.
Carli: We were talking about how you wouldn't put cheeseits in your soup.
Jake: But then I changed my ways.
Carli: That's right.
Jake: I'm pretty much never giving Justin pringles again. I'm pretty much gonna crack his skull.
Carli: I'm gonna choke on my stale crackers now.
Jenna: They're not stale.
Carli: They're just off-brand. Okay, Jake, Trisha was trying to tell you about crackers and she spewed crackers everywhere. It was awesome.
Jake: This is the interview. Ready?
Carli: Okay, go.
Jake: Wait, I forgot. I had something but I forgot it. Oh yeah. Hey, I'm gonna dye my hair black.
Carli: NO!
Jake: I'm not gonna dye it. I'm gonna highlight it black.
Calyn: How do you highlight black?
Trisha: You would look like Liza.
Jake: you remember when she drew that tatoo fish on me and put her name inside it?
Carli: yeah, who DOES that?
Jake: She said she couldn't resist.
Jake: tell Lori about my sweet pants I bought.
Carli: Okay, so Jake bought these pants, he was going to play at a kid jail, and he didn't have pants to wear so he had shorts and the guard was like, "You need to have some pants to wear."
Jake: And I was like, "do you want me to crap some?" and they were like, "no, go to walmart."
Carli: And then you got those pants that were brown and butt tight.
jake: they were so tight.
Carli: they're brown and like, polyester.
Jake: Do you remember the peach crate that I had? I have one in my room and it's awesome. I'm touching it now. It's like two shelves. It's like killing two birds with one stone. Like a 2 for 1 sale. 100% profit.
Jenna: I think we get it.
Jake: Hold on, I'm watching a video.
All: WHAT?
Jake: Hey are you there? Okay, I'm gonna watch a video. And it's like a music video. Like, one song long. Do you know Taking Back Sunday?
Carli: YES! I love them.
Jake: Apparently it's pretty good. There's this guy with a moustache and it's 100% fake.
Carli: Tonight we were talking about Little Jake's molestache.
Jake: You were talking about Little Jake?
Carli: Yeah, and how he shaved it off.
Jake: Yeah, he did have a molestache. watching movie- Hey, is that a girl or a boy?
Jenna: That's not good if you can't tell.
Jake: This is pretty stupid. Let me give you the lowdown. There's this stage and a girl dancing on stage and there's this coreographer directoring them and he's got a killer molestache and now they're all eating peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches. And now this guy walks in and he's got somethin' stuck to his molestache. Oh, it's great now. Okay, what's up with the interview?
Carli: Calyn's been typing everything you said.
Jake: Oh, that's really good. Oh, it's like, you know that game on your computer where Mario teaches typing? I used to play, but only for like five minutes cause I would get [mad]. (filter)
Carli: I think Calyn played for like, hours.
Jake: Mario filters my filter.
Carli: Did you take your filter off? because you were doing real good at camp.
Jake: Yeah, I still have it. It's a good one. I was talking to Chaim and he was like, "you have a kidney disease. " Do you know what kidneys are? They're like a filter. He said it was cause my filter wasn't working.
Carli: Yes, we know.
Jake: Do you know what I did today? I worked for 8 hours in the sun welding and cutting and grinding.
Carli: That's hot.
Trisha: That's why you have such big muscles.
Jake: It's not the same sun that it is in Ukraine.
Carli: Cause we're closer to the equator.
Jake: Shto tee skazal?
Carli: I said, "Let me see your funky chicken!"
Jake: Shto tee skazal?
Carli: I said, "Let me see your funky chicken!"
All: I said, mmmch, ah, ah, ah, mmmch, ah, ah, ah,...
Jake: I wore my Radooga jacket today.
Carli: How is that possible, it's so hot?
Jenna: Would you rather sweat and look good or be cool and not?
Jake: I went to the wedding in it with my polyester pants.
Calyn: i really want a jacket.
Carli: I think she needs an orange one because the missing orange one is hers.
Jake: Listen, you can have mine.
Calyn: No, that's okay.
Jake: It doesn't have my name on it.
Calyn: wait, does everyone have their names on it?
Carli: No, it just says "Radooga '05"
Trisha: No, that's why you can have it. Cause it doesn't have his name on it.
Calyn: i'll borrow it in December.
Jake: Yes. December. I need everyone's attention. "Something September".
All: What are you talking about?
Jake: "Something September." [pause.] For a band name.
All: Ohhhh.
Carli: Is it for your new band? Is it pretty much gonna happen?
Jake: yeah, it's gonna be good. We're gonna be recording pretty soon. I think we should have our CD for next summer. We've already come up with some songs. But I don't really know any of them.
Carli: You're just the drummer.
Calyn: Oooh, I want a CD.
All: Ya tozhye.
Carli: I wont that.
Calyn: Do you have anything to say to Lori?
Jake: Lori, stay away from horses, jellyfish and hedgehogs. Stay away from the mean three and you'll do fine. Oh, and something else. I love you. Can I say that?
All: yes.
Jake: I love you. And I'll text message you if you have a phone. I mean, I'll give you the "TM". "TM" stands for "text message" in case you didn't know.
Carli: Yeah, we know.
all: we love you jake.
Jake: Da svidaniya. Slatkeekh snov. Tee mayee boobitchkee.
All: We love you, Lori!!!!!!


Lori, you're the best! We love you!
Arrivederci!