Friday, April 22, 2005

50 Fun things to do in a final that does not matter

For all my college friends with finals coming up, I thought I'd give you some fun things to do while you're taking those dreaded tests (or at least wish you could do if your final does matter).

1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15
minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some
gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.

2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the
secret documents!!"

3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long
answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the
integral symbol.

4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's
left nostril.

5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate
your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm
SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk
the instructor is.

6. Bring cheerleaders.

7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly
say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to
every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the heck are
you? Where's the regular guy?"

8. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max
level.

9. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to
refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this
question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be
creative.

10. Bring pets.

11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of
relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the
country" and run off.

12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into
very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry
Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam.
Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.

13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.

14. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your
head, and nothing else.

15. Come down with a bad case of turret's Syndrome during the exam.

16. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make
one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals. (Dude, I would love to see someone do a math exam in roman numerals. That would be awesome!)

17. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking.
Blame it on the person nearest to you.

20. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to
another seat, continue with the exam.

21. Turn in the exam approximately 15 minutes into it. As you walk out,
start commenting on how easy it was.

22. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If
it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DAD. BABE.
etc..).

23. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers
completely blacked out.

25. Arrange a protest before the exam starts

27. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why,
tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on
above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"

29. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put
on a white mask and start yelling " the phAAAANNtom of the opera is here!"
until they drag you away. (I really didn't like that movie. It was so boring. But I'd watch this. that would be pretty interesting.)

30. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the
class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you
belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to
take the exam.

31. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say
"you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our
Lives is on!!!" ("Pansies! All of you!", as Ian would say)

32. Bring a water pistol with you.

33. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore
the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to
leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the
River Kwai. (That's like, the funnest song in the world to whistle.)

34. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.

35. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you
could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most
equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life
story.

36. Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and
shield. (YES!)

37. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the
exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.

38. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious...
like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just
failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with
the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."

40. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any
question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her. (That has actually worked for me, sad to say. Some teachers are really stupid. I mean, I wasn't asking for the answer, but sometimes they end up giving it to you.)

41. One word: Wrestlemania.

42. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they
do before concerts start.

43. Try to get people in the room to do the wave. (Aaron Bradberry is excellent at this.)

44. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room. (rock on!)

45. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you.
Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice. (like mr. scott's monkey lamp.)

46. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent
to you every few minutes throughout the exam.

47. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs,
anything you can reach.

48. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90
degree angle.

49. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are
asked to stop, say "it helps me think." Bring a copy of the Student
Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical
instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so".

50. When the instructor hands you the exam, eat it. (my personal favorite)

I have a history final that I don't have to go to that would be kinda fun to do some of these on. However, I really liked my professor and don't want to put him through that.
It's Friday, everybody! How great is that? Tomorrow, guess what I'm doing? I'll give you a hint. It's my favorite place in the western hemisphere!!! That's right, home of Henry the Pole-vaulting fish, Wakulla Springs! It's very exciting. Me and Ruth are going and her friend Kristin is in town from New York so we're all going to hang out.
Well, I'm gonna go now. I hope y'all's weekends are all wonderful, although I don't believe that any of you can top Wakulla Springs. You can try, though.
Oh, by the way. Leah, Hannah, Callie and Jenshka, I found out that the name "Joshua" means, "The LORD saves", or "The LORD is salvation." I thought that was really cool. Arrivederci!

3 comments:

Jenshka said...

My parents gave Mr. Scott that monkey lamp (white elephant party).

Jenshka said...

Did you make all of those up or did you find them somewhere?

Calyn said...

I found them on the internet. I'm not that creative