At youth tonight, Todd started his teaching series about Community and the body of Christ, and we talked about Revelation 3:14-20. This is a very convicting piece of the Bible. God is talking to the church in Laodicea, and telling them that even though they're doing a lot of things, they're simply lukewarm, not hot or cold. I hate being lukewarm. Lukewarm in anything, really. I'm the kind of person who likes to be fully involved in something, or not be involved at all. I don't have time to do everything, so the the things I am involved in, I try to put a lot of effort into. Otherwise I feel like I'm wasting my time. As far as my relationship with God goes, being lukewarm is my greatest fear. The Bible's very clear about how it feels on being lukewarm. Nowhere in the Bible does it say: "Try your best to be holy, because that will make God happy." No, it says, "be holy, because I am holy" (Leviticus 11:45). God doesn't say, "Try to pray every once in a while, because I like to talk to you occasionally." No, He says, "Pray without ceasing" (I Thessalonians 5:17). The whole Bible is full of God's commands to us, and although He loves us the same whether or not we do them, sometimes I feel like I'm so far away "hot". Lately, I've felt like I'm stuck in a pool of mediocrity. I just sit here waiting for something to come along, and I have no idea what that "something" is. I just wish God would come tap me on the shoulder and say, "hey, Calyn, this is what I want you to do with your life." I envy people so much who know exactly what they want to do with their lives. My friend Jenna has known from the time she was in elementary school that she wants to be teacher. I don't know what I want to major in, where I want to go to school, where I want to work, where I want to live, nothing. It feels like I'm just going through the motions of everything I'm "supposed" to do. Most of the things I really enjoy aren't going to get me anywhere, or so I'm told, so I'm encouraged to do things that will "help me in the long run", or "give me experience" for something else. I guess that's just the way it works. But I don't want to spend my whole life waiting for something, I want to experience that something now. I want to be in the center of God's will and know that what I'm doing is what I'm supposed to be doing. I guess that's where patience comes in. Gosh I hate that word. Well, me and God are going to go spend some quality time together. Arrivederci.