Diane reminded me with a funny video today about the P.C. takeover of Christmas, and I found us some carols on a website that we can safely sing at the youth caroling party:
I'm Dreaming of Many-Hued Winter Season
Rudolph, the Reindeer with the Facial Appendage of a Different Color
Oh, Come all ye Faithful, Agnostics and Atheists
Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer (but it was Grandma's fault for being in the space set aside for woodland creatures to run free without interference from human beings)
Frosty the Snowperson of An Indistinguishable Gender
Joy to the *World (*The word world includes all nations, including Iraq, North Korea and Iran)
We Wish You a Merry December (and a happy new calendar page for those that observe the years according to other religions or cultures)
I'm Getting Nothin' for Christmas (because my parents think the holiday is overcommercialized and co-opted from pagans and only capitalist pigs buy presents)
Little Drummer Person
You Must Have Had a Terrible Childhood, Mr. Grinch
Supreme Being of Your Choice Rest Ye Merry Gentlepeople
Oh, Christmas Tree (we will guard you from the lumber industry)
Up on the House/Apartment/Cardboard box Top
All I Want For Christmas is My Two Front Teeth (but because we don't have nationalized health care for everyone, my parents can't afford dental coverage)
Let it Snow (but it won't because of global warming)
I Saw My Parent/Step Parent/Guardian/Caretaker Kissing Santa Claus
And lastly, let's all practice the 12 Days of our Winter Holiday:
On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me:
TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,
ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note),
TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping,
NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,
EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans,
SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands,
SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products,
FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration,
(NOTE: after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further Animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.)
FOUR hours of recorded whale songs
THREE deconstructionist poets
TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses and...
ONE Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.
Yay! Happy Holidays everyone...Arrivederci.
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6 comments:
That was awesome.
first we find out Calyn was adopted, now this.
Calyn, you are pretty much the funniest person I know... :)
I forgot that Gwi said "Happy Winter Solstice" that's amazing. Remember when we were at Calaway Gardens and he said that on the train. Oh, the memories. :o)
Nice. Where do you get these things!?
Pauls-
Solstice: Either of two times of the year when the sun is at its greatest distance from the celestial equator. The summer solstice in the Northern Hemisphere occurs about June 21, when the sun is in the zenith at the tropic of Cancer; the winter solstice occurs about December 21, when the sun is over the tropic of Capricorn. The summer solstice is the longest day of the year and the winter solstice is the shortest.
Oh, and google. It's amazing. It can answer all of life's questions. I'm a big fan of it.
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